DOG POV
BITCH , PLEASE
The Life Of Mae , A Boykin From Mobile
INSTALLMENT III
Happy New Year , readers . Do you take on New Year ’ s resolutions ? I sure as Hell below and Heaven above do . Each and every year , I aspire and attain my objectives — to be naughtier and more entitled than the year before . Do not assume all too pervasive and so-called health and lifestyle bullshit do not enter into my vision , though . They do , only in the sense of obtaining my ultimate goal of world domination . I am a very active creature , you know . Like most spaniels , I like to be on the go and on the move . Walks are my favorite times of the day . My daily meanders ( and bowel movements that are a part of them ) shape the schedules of multiple people . Here ensues an account of how exercise structures my life and the revelries thereof .
My love of cardio is not completely a result of genetic predisposition . My big fat human loves running and walking . He hoped that I would be a running companion . Our shared experience of running was brief . The joker placed me on a lead and started running , so I chased that giant squeaky toy . Tripping him to the pavement , I looked down with satisfaction and begged him to start again so I could watch him fall on repeat !
On account of my wanting to chase the rounded one on his runs , my human runs alone in the morning . While he engages in this activity , I lounge on beds ( not my own but the human ’ s and those in the guest rooms ), sofas , settees , chairs , and the occasional tabletop . You have to keep life varied . The fatso greatly enjoys his morning runs . When he returns from his daily cardio , the man-servant comes in all sweaty , driven , and at peace . I milk that bitch for all he ’ s worth and then some during the post-run period . Firstly , I show how excited I am to see him . Having major separation anxiety issues , I think that if the fatso leaves me for a minute , he might never return . I wiggle my caboose , pogo
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