Cyber Bullying and General Information - Volume 1, March 2014 | Page 6

As parents, if we heard our kids say hurtful things to
another person, we would take our child aside and let
him/her know what was appropriate words and behavior (a
teachable moment we would call them). But if we are not
able to see or hear what goes on, then those teachable
moments are not present. Does this then allow corrections
in behaviour. Does not catching the behaviours reinforce
the behaviours to become repetitious? How do we teach
moral responsibility? If we (as adult drivers) speed and
don’t get caught, does it encourage us to speed more
often?
I speak on a regular basis with a mom who lost her young
son to suicide in September 2014 in Saskatchewan. His
name was Todd. He was just 15 years old. She continues to
be sad without her son close by as any parent would be.
There is another mom in my community whose 16 year old
son became an ‘angel’. There is Rehtaeh’s mom who I talk
to Phones & Bullies
Cellfrequently. As I grappled with the 'right' words to say out
loud, I had to think back to just a little over a year months
ago and what I was going through.
What did people say to me? What were my reactions? Did
I pay attention to their words? I know there was much
sympathy and sadness. But I also know (even now), no one
really knows the right things to say. And sometimes they
come out sounding like the wrong things. What I said to
this mom was that she needed to follow her heart to
wherever it may land. Cry when you need to cry. Laugh
when you need to laugh. Surround yourself with friends
and those that care for you unconditionally.
As parents who lose children, we are in automation for the
first few months or more. We look like we are walking,
talking and functioning but I am not so sure how lucid or
coherent we really are.

If it weren't for those around me to eat and sleep (which of
course we don't listen to), I probably wouldn't have made
it. Funny enough, they still tell me to eat and sleep and to
take time for myself to heal. Do I listen? I’m not sure. So
one of the important rules would be – To make sure that
you have people around you that can watch over you.
But back to the topic of kids ... are we making a dent in
what the kids are saying to each other? Are we making
sure that interactions are appropriate? Are we reinforcing
and telling our kids these words – ‘IF IT ISN'T NICE, THEN
DON'T SAY IT!!!’ Are we reminding them that what they
say and do on-line can leave a digital (and possibly
concrete) footprint on the internet.
So why are there those individuals that are continually
mean – both online and off. We should ask the question –
what purpose does it really serve other than trying to exert
power and control. And if ignored, would those that bother
and annoy get bored and stop and go away.
How does one create more power with the
bystanders? Where should it start? Home? School? Or
shouldn't we just work as a community. Have working
partners in the community and school? Start the education
early. Teach parents before they become parents? Have
ongoing community and school workshops on the issues
that are changing our communities?
And most importantly, encourage everyone to come. Not
just parents but also community members. Have youth
present. Have childminding services so that those with
young children can participate. Have older youth child
mind to encourage youth leadership and mentorship.