EDITOR ’ S PICK
If your son comes home crying because he was scared on his first day of school , don ’ t immediately try to whisk those tears away . Instead , acknowledge his fears with a sympathetic face , reassuring words and gentle contact . Words like , “ Oh relax , you were just nervous ,” could make your child feel invalidated . A much more beneficial response would be something like , “ It sounds like you were nervous on your first day of school , which is completely understandable .”
Don ’ t overpraise . Parents often think the key to building security and confidence is overpraise , but research shows otherwise . A study by developmental psychologist Eddie Brummelman at Ohio State University showed that children with low self-esteem were more likely to choose easier drawing tasks after receiving inflated statements of admiration . The logic behind the counter-intuitive consequence is that children sometimes interpret high praise as expectation , making them afraid of failure and disappointment .
One simple way to counteract overpraise is to focus on a child ’ s efforts instead , because effort , unlike innate talent , is something a child can control . Compliments like , “ You ’ re a genius ,” or “ You ’ re so smart ,” don ’ t make a child feel secure in the long run . When you want to applaud your child for a job well done , try saying something like , “ You really worked hard and it shows . Great job !”
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