EDITOR ’ S PICK
Here are some tips to try to make the separations shorter and more bearable so that everyone can get a good night ’ s rest .
• Separate in small chunks .
Tell your child that you will check in on them in 5 minutes , and then come back and do so . Parenting expert and psychologist Dr . Gordon Neufeld calls this a “ continuity of connection .” This will slowly help your child feel more comfortable separating from you , knowing that you will be back soon . Gradually extend the time to 10 minutes , then 20 , and so forth until they are asleep .
• Offer your child contact with you while they sleep .
Give them a shirt that smells like you , or a special trinket of yours to put under the pillow . This will help them feel connected to you even when you ’ re absent .
• Put their focus on the next connection , not on the separation .
Whether it ’ s “ I ’ ll be back before the timer goes off in 10 minutes ” or “ I ’ m looking forward to seeing you in the morning , I have something fun planned ,” when we put the focus on the next connection , it soothes the alarm children feel when faced with separation .
The key is to build a bridge between bedtime and the next morning so that the 8-10 hour separation doesn ’ t feel quite so long and scary . Eventually , they will build the confidence to face the separation without fear .
For more insight from Miller , visit
bridgettmiller . com and see her book , What Young Children Need You to Know . •
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