The underlying belief that causes the bedtime power struggle is that we see their overt resistance as a behavior problem that needs fixing instead of seeing a child who is attempting to prolong their time with us out of a basic biological need for closeness with a parent . When we shift our mindset from fixing their behavior to meeting the need , we see that it is not discipline or a sleep training technique that is needed , but a shift in our focus .
According to Bridgett , “ We need to give more consideration to how they are feeling and focus less on what they are doing to delay the inevitable separation . When we generously provide them with more contact and closeness and stop drawing their attention to how many stories , minutes , or hugs they have left with us before we leave them , we ’ re better able to fill them up with our presence rather than reminding them of our looming departure . If we change what we ’ re paying attention to , we subtly shift the energy we bring to the bedtime experience . Instead , we find ways to emotionally settle our children and lead them into sleep . It ’ s only then that we discover that bedtime doesn ’ t have to be battle time .”
It makes sense that children would be hesitant to let go of the closeness they need for what must seem like forever to them . It can be terrifying to lie alone in a dark room , and even though mommy or daddy may be just a few steps away , to a young child , it may feel like a giant chasm .
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