This is why it is important to let the natural process play out and allow both boys and girls to have their tears while we lovingly hold space for them to do so . We needn ’ t worry about boys looking weak for expressing what are very natural emotions to all humans . Miller says , “ Boys , who from a young age are encouraged to share their tears and emotions will naturally grow into men who feel their vulnerability and express themselves in socially acceptable ways . Nature wires their mature brains in such a way that they have self-control and do not need to physically act out on their frustration or burst into tears whenever they feel moved by powerful emotions . This is because they ’ re able to feel their emotions . Rather than suppressing or acting out on them , they learn to process them and find healthy ways to express themselves . Knowing this , there ’ s no reason for us to fear the tears of our boys or cling to the misguided belief that tears are unmanly .”
To summarize , our children don ’ t need us to rescue them from sadness or other unpleasant emotions . Doing so , in fact , interrupts the natural process of brain adaptation that helps children build resilience . All emotions are part of the beautiful human experience and are necessary for growth . Rather , children simply need a safe space to feel their feelings . They need to be allowed to work through them without being shamed or shushed . The real work here is often in ourselves . We experience discomfort when our children are faced with sadness , and so we feel moved to “ fix ” it as quickly as possible . If we , too , can learn to feel our own discomfort and to sit with that emotion ourselves without trying to push it away , we can grow in resilience right alongside our children .
42