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Changing the circumstances to suit the child may make them appear happier . It can certainly stop the tears and sadness quicker , and that makes it easier on us . But it often comes at the expense of developing a healthy emotional system . Miller explains that adapting to what cannot be changed is an emotional process that requires them to feel the sadness in what can ’ t or won ’ t work . Feeling the vulnerability of deep sadness is essential to doing that . It ’ s our job to gently hold the boundaries in place and make room for their upset and tears , not to change the situation to suit them . When children have caring adults who can hold boundaries and space for big emotions , they not only learn to move through their frustration and are ultimately better for the experience in the long-term . She goes on to say , “ Over time , the little things that don ’ t go their way as children build inside of them the resilience they ’ ll need one day when they are faced with the inevitable adversity and loss that will come their way as they venture into the world as adults .”
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