Miller explains that , as creatures of emotion , our greatest learning takes place when we ’ re able to feel the sadness in what isn ’ t working for us . Techniques that prevent children from accessing their vulnerability and sadness don ’ t serve the child in the way we hope they will . She says , “ As parents who love our children with all our hearts , it ’ s understandable that we become distressed when we see them experiencing any sadness or upset . It also makes sense that we ’ d want to do whatever we can to keep them happy , but sometimes we do so at the expense of their emotional development .”
It ’ s normal for children ( and adults !) to get emotionally stirred up when something doesn ’ t go their way . Bridgett tells me that our emotional systems are actually built to help us notice when things aren ’ t working for us . As adults , we have had plenty of life experiences and disappointments . We know that we don ’ t always get what we want and that sometimes we have no control to change what is . That ’ s often really hard for adults , but for children , it seems almost unbearable , and that is why they need us to help them process their feelings .
Bridgett says , “ Anytime humans bump up against a limit , lack , or restriction , we are flooded by the powerful root emotion called frustration . This is no accident - it ’ s part of nature ’ s plan to help us learn and grow . We have to feel the frustration and sadness of what ’ s not working if we are to move through it rather than getting stuck in it . As parents , we must focus on allowing children to feel what they are feeling so they can begin to develop a relationship with their emotions and come to know themselves as creatures moved by emotion . Every time parents change the circumstances in order to keep the peace or spare the child from their emotional discomfort , we rob them of the opportunity to be changed by that which they cannot change .”
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