B.F. Skinner, a world-famous psychologist, proved through
his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior
will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more
effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. How
much more so a human child with feelings and needs, which
above all, include the need to find approval from mom and dad?
In our busyness it’s easy to forget to reward good behavior.
But reinforcing positive behavior is critical for lasting change.
In order to remain motivated, kids need to understand that in
life there are consequences both good and bad.
3. Have realistic expectations. The key to calm consistency
in delivering constructive discipline is to have realistic
expectations. Remember that tantrums, as unpleasant and
inconvenient as they are, are totally normal for toddlers and
kids even up to 6 years old. It’s normal for kids to rip holes in
their pants and get dirty. It’s normal for kids to not want to
share, for them to spill, for them to pout. The more you remind
yourself of just how little they are, the more patience you’ll
have.
In “Father Forgets,” a timeless editorial reprinted in hundreds
of magazines, W. Livingston Larned writes a letter to his son
one night after reflecting on a day filled with reprimands. But
that night, he wrote a letter to his son and admitted his mistake
of expecting too much.
“What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault,
of reprimanding – this was my reward to you for being a boy. It
was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much
of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.”
When we adjust our expectations, we gain patience and
develop the ability to withhold criticism.
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