EDITOR ’ S PICK
For preschoolers up to about age 6 or so , I recommend using timein . During a time-in , you bring the child into a safe space . The first order of business is to get her brain regulated . If she ’ s crying or angry , she isn ’ t receptive to learning . Empathize with her feelings and use calming techniques such as deep breathing , coloring , sensory play , or reading a book . Once she is calm , discuss what she did wrong and what she could ’ ve done differently , and if she is able to make amends or fix her mistake , help her to do so . Keep it fairly brief and as positive as possible .
Another great option for elementary aged kids is to create a calmdown area . Rather than being forced to go sit in a chair for a set amount of time , the calm-down area is a positive and soothing place . The child can go alone if he wishes or the parent can sit with him . It should be an inviting area and can be stocked with books , crayons , paper , squishy balls , etc . The goal here is to teach the child emotional regulation skills . It is never used for punishment and there is no time limit .
Practicing better / positive behavior is yet another great alternative to sitting alone for 3 minutes . Let ’ s say your child was too rough with the family pet . Rather than sitting in time-out , use that time to show your child how to pet gently . Practice petting the pet softly and talking about how Fluffy has feelings too .
Finally , for older kids over the age of 7 , problem-solving is a great skill to teach . Ask questions such as “ what were you feeling when you did that ,” “ how did your actions affect others ,” and “ what are you going to do to fix this ?” This not only strengthens the prefrontal cortex , the thinking area of the brain , but it also helps the child learn accountability without the shame . It lets her know that she can correct her mistakes and repair relationships if she ’ s willing to change her behavior .
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