The fact is , they are not developmentally capable of doing either as their brain is not yet mature enough to do so . Making a choice is difficult at the best of times , and it ’ s almost impossible — even for adults — to make a choice under stress . Reflection requires brain integration and maturation and takes many years of conducive conditions to develop .
Scaring children into compliance with the threat of a time limit and looming consequences may result in a temporary halt in their undesirable behaviour , but it does not ensure they will learn what it is you hope they will from the experience . When we alarm children with 1-2-3 they may do what you want out of fear , that is , until the technique is overused and they stop responding because they no longer care about the consequences . For children to truly learn from us they need to be open to taking in what we want them to know because they care , but they can ’ t do this effectively when they are under duress or their caring feelings have been knocked out . Not understanding this leads many wellmeaning parents to use disciplinary measures that work against what they are trying to do , which is to guide and to teach their child to do what is needed when no one is watching ( or counting !) over them .”
Now let ’ s discuss some positive alternatives to separationbased discipline that work .
For very young children , ages 2-3 , Dr . Tina Bryson , author of No Drama Discipline , recommends doing three things . First address the feeling with something like , “ You ’ re feeling mad at your friend because he knocked over your blocks .” Then you address the behavior with , “ You can ’ t push him down like that though . It hurts .” After that , you simply move on and get their attention on something more positive . Don ’ t give too much focus and attention to the negative behavior .
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