I am not anybody super or extraordinary. At least that’s what I had always assumed before. I have been through stuff many of my peers can’t comprehend, but how does that really make me any different from anybody else on the planet? I learned not very long ago just how strong I really am.
On December 22, 2013, my dad had a stroke. You can’t prepare yourself for that. There isn’t a list of things to do before somebody has a stroke. There isn’t a messenger that tells you what is going to happen in a matter of hours. Nobody told me I wouldn’t have a Christmas or a proper New Year’s celebration. Nobody told me how difficult it would all be to handle, especially at only 17 years old.
I watched him have the stroke, get loaded into the ambulance, get unloaded, then get reloaded into a helicopter to Iowa City. My stomach hurt and I felt as if I would pass out from the heat that grasped my body whenever I got anywhere near my dad. I mostly dealt with the phones calls. The innumerable calls I made all day and into the night assuring loved ones of my own father’s condition seemed far easier than watching my dad lie there. The hardest part of all of it was when I caught myself waiting for dad to walk through the door and comfort us all. In those moments I realized that the man that had always comforted me wasn’t himself and he wasn’t going to walk through the door. He was the one who was lying in the hospital bed. He was the one who was sick. That sent me into hysterical tears everytime.
I went through all of that, and there is still a lot of tough stuff about this stroke that we still have to deal with. This war is far from over for all of us. I have learned through all of the above where my strengths lie. I couldn’t handle being in the same room with my father for very long. That was a weakness. I could, however, articulate what was going on with my father with no problems. I know a bunch of medical terms already, so what the doctors said really was pretty simple for me to understand. Which is another plus. When my dad got well enough again to ask questions about what exactly happened, I could tell him very descriptively the medical aspects of his treatment and his condition.
The thing I learned most of all was that I am strong and I can handle whatever is put in front of me. Will I need help sometimes? Yes I will. I hope to have the grace and confidence to ask for help when I do need it. I know now that I am worthwhile and strong. Nobody will break my confidence in that. And that is truly the greatest gift of all of life’s lessons, confidence in yourself and your abilities.