Be Great
LIKE GATSBY
Call everyone old sport.
You need to hide who you truly are. Why should you be yourself, when you could be somebody better? Act like a foreigner or an Oxford man. Overuse an unnatural word or word phrase repeatedly in order to convince people that you aren’t some small-town boy. No, you’re really important and exotic, and you will let everyone know that! Find your own unique catch phrase that makes you seem so much better and more educated than everyone else, old sport.
Everyone knows that Gatsby looked “as if he had once killed a man.” So you, old sport, need to practice your angry face! Do you look like you have killed a man? Hopefully you’ve already mastered your ability to hide who you actually are. You can combine these two skills in order to only let your angry face show when you mean business. Otherwise, you need to always be kind and loving. Hide that angry face! Make everyone see how nice you are by throwing HUGE parties and letting strangers come to your party who don’t know or recognize you (nor do they have interest in doing so). You could even let some boarders stay over. But don’t expect them to come to your funeral.
Fall in love.
This one is pretty easy. First of all, find the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen. Smile at her with your creepy, understanding smile. You know, the one that “comprehend[s everyone’s] troubled history and sympathize[s] with the brave struggles of people.” Somehow, she will fall in love with you, but then she will chose a different man because he is richer than you. Don’t worry, we can fix this!
Practice your angry face.
Warning!: Side effects may include: death by gunshot, murder-suicide in your backyard, being abandoned by your love, living a lie, relative loneliness, being the gossip of town, and an empty funeral.