Before today, I was never nervous about performing a surgery, but now, a strange fear worked inside me; I was afraid to enter the OT. The thought of operating the patient lying inside made me feel sick. I was defeated at last by the weak emotions that I had been fighting all those years. The memories from the past came back to me all at an once like the hurling of a thunderbolt over my head. I was taken 15 years back in an instant and my mind was overcast with nostalgic thoughts like ink-dark clouds covering the monsoon sky.
“Dr. Sharma, we have to start the surgery, everyone is waiting for you”, called out an intern from inside the OT.
I was standing outside the door like an idiot. All the other doctors were waiting for me inside and the operation was being delayed because of me.
A Few Things Left Unsaid
The red light of the OT was turned on. Through my almost-blurred vision, I could see a bunch of people emerging into the corridor of the hospital wing. My hands were numb with an unnatural sense of fear.
This hospital has been my home for the last 10 years. This place has given me an identity, fame, and everything that a doctor wants to accomplish in her life. I am a brain surgeon- Dr. Aditi Sharma- working at the neurological department of India’s most renowned medical institute, AIIMS. To the world I appear to be as a strict feminist figure, scarred grievances and roughness of a roller coaster of a life , overcasting the softness of my skin; but deep inside, I am more like the first rough sketch of an artist- with many unexpressed feelings buried deep within.
বিষাদময় পৃথিবী
পৃথিবী আজ দূষিত;
কলকারখানা,যানবাহনের ধোঁয়ায় হয়ে উঠছে বিষাদময়-
দূষিত হচ্ছে ঈশ্বরের সৃষ্ট পরিবেশ প্রকৃতি।
প্রকৃতির মানুষেরাও হয়ে উঠছে এর অংশীদার
বিষাক্ত ধোঁয়ায় মানুষের হৃদয় আজ জর্জরিত,
হৃদয়ের প্রকাশ গেছে থেমে;
তাকে যেন গলা টিপে হত্যা করা হচ্ছে-
প্রকৃতির সৃষ্টি একে একে যেন ধ্বংসস্তুপে পরিণত হচ্ছে।
মানুষের মনে আশ্রয় নিচ্ছে আজ লিপ্সা-
যা ক্রমশই মানুষকে বিষাক্ত থেকে
বিষাক্ততর করে তুলছে।
কিন্তু একদিন আসবে,যেদিন এই ধ্বংসস্তুপের ওপরই
গড়ে উঠবে এক নতুন পৃথিবী;
যেখানে থাকবে না কোনো জিঘাংসা,
কোনো দুর্নীতি,কোন অশুভ শক্তি।
Photo courtesy of Somenath Rudra