PARENT TIPS CONTINUED
• tone:“ Tell me more.” With family or colleagues, this question defuses tension and allow the other person to feel understood. Help older kids to practice what Shigeoka calls“ deep” curiosity with questions that elicit transformative insights. Instead of stopping with,“ what’ s your name?” pivot to“ What’ s the story of your name?”
• As a family, practice listening to hear. Develop awareness of when you’ re listening to be heard. Listening to hear requires focus on understanding the speaker’ s message and emotions, with a willingness to empathize. Listening to be heard prioritizes planning counterpoints instead of fully processing what’ s being said. Determine when understanding is more crucial than problem-solving. Sensitize your kids about when to listen and when to share. Listen if you belong to a group with more social power, if you are consistently heard, or if your views are well-represented. Share if you are part of the group with less social power, if your views are rarely represented, or if your voice is often overlooked. Listening to hear creates a foundation for agreeing to disagree with dignity.
• Push back against growing isolation by assuring your kids( and yourself) that everyone longs for connection. Jamil Zake, director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab, partnered participants from across the political spectrum to have conversations on flashpoint topics such as gun control and abortion. Despite their apprehension, those involved were pleasantly surprised by how the“ other side” was open, reasonable, and empathic. These findings were hopeful because genuine dialogue revealed mutual civility, but also troubling because media often misrepresents those we disagree with. Zaki notes that by getting off our isolating screens and meeting each other, we forge vital connections. Similarly, Donna Hicks highlights such connections as the foundation of dignity and our mutual survival. As Into the Woods reminds us, safety and success lie in collective, cooperative action. •
Julie Stevens is a parent, former school psychologist, and former independent school teacher. She has written numerous articles on parenting and moral growth that can be found on csee. org.
CSEE Connections Winter 2025 Page 37