Parent Tips: Dignity
By Julie Stevens
Once upon a time...” So begins the musical Into the Woods. I recently saw an inspired production of this playful yet morally serious mash-up of fairy tale and human characters. How parents’ choices echo through the lives of their children is a repeated theme, paired with the warning,“ Careful the tale you tell... children will listen.” In Act I, characters pursue personal goals with little regard for the impact of their actions on others. In Act II, they confront the deadly consequences of their combined actions— the wrath of a giant. First, they try to shift blame onto others, but the shared threat compels them to admit their mistakes and care for each other, concluding that“ no one acts alone.” This insight reminded me of Donna Hicks’ Leading with Dignity( Yale University Press, 2018), which emphasizes honoring human dignity and worth in ourselves and those who have wronged us. Meanwhile, in the theater( and beyond) the body count rose as partners and parents died. As remaining characters focused on defeating the giant, clear lines between good, evil, and“ nice” blur, and they committed to a new approach— not to“ to sell, to get,” but“ to find, to think, to teach, to join.” These tips point away from the capricious narcissism of our current“ woods” to an ethical framework emphasizing interdependence.
• Offer alternatives to one-dimensional stories that reinforce negative stereotypes. Pose questions that prompt alternative perspectives. When Jack climbs the beanstalk and steals the golden harp, is he a hero or a thief? Does Cinderella’ s magical transformation reveal her inner goodness or make her a polished imposter? Repeated exposure to one distorted, dehumanizing view of a group— immigrants are“ animals” who“ invade,”“ infest,” and“ poison our country”— can make cruelty toward them seem deserved. In her essay The Danger of a Single Story, novelist Chimamanda Adichie reminds us,“ Stories have been used to dispossess and to malign, but stories can also be used to empower and to humanize,” in ways that repair individual or group dignity. Encourage your kids to discover stories that highlight our shared humanity.
• Cultivating curiosity about others helps us treat them with dignity even if we disagree with their views. Scott Shigeoka, author of See: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World( Grand Central Publishing, 2023) concludes that rampant“ incuriosity” closes us off from those with different perspectives and identities. Curiosity is the antidote to“ us vs. them,” avoids blaming and shaming, and requires us to embrace uncertainty. Start with strategies intended to disrupt your ABC’ s— assumptions, biases, and certainty. Shigeoka points to research showing that simply imagining the vegetable preference( broccoli or carrots?) of someone from a different social or racial group can interrupt unconscious bias in kids and adults alike. Model uncertainty. When your defensive, self-absorbed preteen blurts,“ You’ re wrong!” respond by shifting the
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