Helping Young People Learn Their Worth
By Melanie Drane Stanley King Institute
“ They don’ t get me.”“ I just want to be somebody, you know?”
Over time, words become vessels of meaning— suitcases packed with layers of culture, waiting to be explored by philosophers and seekers. Etymology guides us back to a word’ s heart, the essence that originally sparked its life beat. At the root of dignity lies the Latin dignitas, or worth. As a psychotherapist working with high-achieving young people, I hear this persistent refrain in sessions:“ Am I enough? Do I matter enough? Do I do enough?” For all of us, and for adolescents in particular, the yearning to discern one’ s worth, to affirm one’ s dignity, is insatiable.
And so it has always been. Before our devices became our appendages, adolescent identity formation took shape in face-to-face conversations: in school, in time spent in the physical world of solitude and dialogue. We now inhabit a time where school has been upstaged by social media in its influence on identity formation. As social media becomes intertwined with the school environment, the hazard of contingent self-esteem arises. Contingent selfesteem relies on social comparisons and validation to determine one’ s own value. As a result, the sense of self-worth is continually at risk, dependent upon externalities and in urgent pursuit of new measures— the next grade, the next photo-worthy event. Confirmation must be constantly pursued and re-established. It is fleeting and drains away, rather than accruing around inner values for a durable sense of self.
Page 6 Winter 2025 CSEE Connections