Parent Tips: Student Empowerment
By Julie Stevens
As a young English teacher in my 20s, I taught a semester-long elective course on the 19th-century British novel. A month before graduation, several seniors expressed concerns about“ making the grade” in college. I assured them that I was recently a college student myself— they were ready. Their silence, however, conveyed deep skepticism. I doubled down:“ We’ ll prove it!” I invited them to discuss our last novel independently, without my lecturing.“ How will we know if we’ re right?” one asked.“ Won’ t it be hard for you not to talk?” another wondered. I responded,“ Yes, you will know when you’ re right” and“ Yes, it will be hard for me not to talk.” With that I became the chief note-taker, preparing typed copies before each class. Our mutual doubts quickly faded. My students, who had chosen this class because they were drawn to the readings, embraced challenging themselves and my note-taking pace. They took risks and were rewarded with critical insights. They amazed themselves with their ability to analyze the text. Transcribing, tweaking, and organizing their discussions was time-consuming and fulfilling work for me. Engaged, empowered, and free from the usual“ senioritis,” this final“ exam” allowed my students to demonstrate their college readiness. Years before encountering Self-Determination Theory, I stumbled into an experiment that proved its efficacy. A deep understanding of Tess of the d’ Urbervilles falls short of life changing. But my students’ sense of well-being and confidence improved, confirming decades of research on the positive impact of fostering autonomy. Effective teaching and parenting require finding a supportive sweet spot— a Goldilocks balance— between too much autonomy or an overly difficult task and too little challenge or opportunity for self-direction. The following suggestions can help you find that equilibrium:
• Encouraging self-determination or autonomy is not letting kids“ do whatever they want”. It’ s about giving them permission to seek out what intrinsically motivates them. Think of the intense fascination and pleasure experienced at any age when pursuing a task becomes its own reward or when you’ re so interested and absorbed that you don’ t notice time passing. As your child’ s world expands, support their engagement in activities that reflect both their developing interests and values. Try to shift your parenting mindset toward advocating for their autonomy by offering choices, encouraging initiative, and involving them in decision-making.
• Self-determination involves identifying personal interests and needs, making choices, solving problems, and regulating behavior— all with developmentally appropriate support from adults— so aim for a parenting style that nurtures these abilities. Psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb offers a helpful metaphor: Kids who grow up in a small fishbowl or lost in the ocean struggle, but those in an aquarium thrive. For example, picture a parent and child waiting in line for ice cream when the child’ s favorite
Page 36 Summer 2025 CSEE Connections