A PAR EN T RE SPO NDS
Continued from page 27
community of older people of color has been
our community since my child was a baby.
After shopping at a thrift store for boy’s “Sun-
day best” clothing and arriving to the worship
space with my son dressed “like a boy,” I can’t
say that familiar parishioners showed an out-
pouring of affirmation and support. Perhaps
shock and surprise have morphed through
the years to muted tolerance.
•
•
•
•
Gender, then and now, is very public for my
transgender boy. Here are some ways it mani-
fests publicly in our lives
“It was the first time in
the school’s century-long
history that a current
student had transitioned. It
certainly will not be
the last.”
•
•
•
In my kid’s case, his classmates were intro-
duced to his new name and male pronouns.
It was the first time in the school’s century-
long history that a current student had tran-
sitioned. It certainly will not be the last. And
the school will learn from each child’s journey
how better to navigate gender with the chil-
dren they serve.
I wrestled with my kid’s clear, persistent, and
insistent gender dysphoria privately for sev-
eral months. I heard unrelenting frustrations:
•
a refusal to wear any clothing that
looked girlish... even denim pants with
a star stitched on the pocket went in
the refusal pile
Page 28 Summer 2019
pretend play through only male char-
acters (Diego not Dora; later Maui not
Moana)
a deep fear of growing up to be a mom;
dad, maybe, but mom never
grief at having female anatomy; at hav-
ing no “weiney”
an unrelenting desire to have his hair
cut and his earrings removed.
As you’ve likely heard, public restrooms
can be difficult to navigate.
When my son was called pretty when
he was being presented as a girl, adults
would be trying to compliment him
and he would literally scowl at them.
Camp is hard; ensuring your kid is safe
in the space of public restrooms with
grown adult cis-men and unknown
boys is really scary.
Gender is distinctive because expression can
be so public, and you can’t easily tell a four-
year-old when and how to share their gender
identity. Gratefully, I had local health prac-
titioners to support my child and me as we
made sense of my child’s gender journey. First
at church, at school, and then in our circle of
friends and family I had to share my child’s
identity and new name.
As a result, things shifted. Friends or family
members had to find their way to affirming
my child... or the relationship would naturally
CSEE Connections