PARENT TIPS CONTINUED
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• happiness, parents with a“ mentor mindset” consistently and clearly communicate their belief that their kids can achieve success with the right resources. Sometimes that will mean seeking necessary help.
• Shift the focus from perfectionism to excellence. Avoid rigidly holding your kids or yourself to unreasonably ambitious standards, instead working toward high but attainable objectives with compassion and flexibility. Pursuing excellence yields much healthier outcomes. In Future Tense: Why Anxiety Is Good for You( Even Though It Feels Bad)( Harper Wave, 2022) Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary notes that excellence may be less than 100 %, involving mistakes or failure, but also bursts of dynamic creativity. Dennis-Tiwary’ s rubric— listen, leverage, and let go— is a guide parents can share with their kids. To“ listen,” treat anxiety as information, writing down specific worries, such as an upcoming test.“ Leverage” by transforming that understanding into action, by studying with a classmate. Know when to“ let go.” We often start with letting go, as in avoiding the message underlying our anxiety or not following through on a plan to address it. If, after genuinely trying to listen and leverage, you’ re still anxious, best to take a walk, call a friend, or otherwise reset, rather than ruminate.
• Practice active gratitude and choosing your emotional state. Focusing on what we’ re thankful for helps us notice what’ s working as well as what’ s not. Hypervigilance encourages our brains to see threats everywhere while looking instead for positive signs retrains our neural pathways to recognize opportunities. While neither you nor your kids have absolute control over adverse events, when confronting a challenge, model taking a breath before defaulting to emotional catastrophizing. Ask aloud,“ What response serves me best at this moment?” Help your kids focus on adopting a measured, constructive response, rather than reacting immediately based on worst-case conjecture. •
Julie Stevens is a parent, former school psychologist, and former independent school teacher. She has written numerous articles on parenting and moral growth that can be found on csee. org.
CSEE Connections Fall 2025 Page 37