THE NEW NORMAL
Continued from page 5
ing some to the new person . This third person , now dealing with their own newly acquired anxiety , may find yet another person to triangle in , and that person may find another . Triangles increase exponentially ... three people make one triangle , four people make four triangles , five people make nine triangles , and so on . Triangles can involve issues as well ; consider a student anxious about an assignment . The student draws in a parent to alleviate the anxiety , and the parent now holds some of the anxiety , allowing the student to feel relief . The anxious parent then calls the principal , creating another set of triangles ( student-homework-parent , student-parent-principal , parent-homeworkprincipal , student-homework-principal ). The now-anxious principal calls in the teacher , adding yet another set of triangles . Anxiety over the assignment now flows through 10 triangles with varying degrees of intensity !
Other responses to anxiety in emotional systems as articulated in Bowen Theory are a bit more familiar to us : conflict , distance ( or cutoff ), and overfunctioning / underfunctioning . Bowen and Friedman offer many tools for dealing with anxiety in emotional systems , one of which is being the “ nonanxious presence .”
Mindfulness and the Non-Anxious Presence
Now the Buddha steps in to help us ! Many of our schools have robust secular mindfulness programs to help students and adults better see and regulate their thoughts and feelings . By having an awareness of our current emotional state , we are better able to choose our response rather than automatically react in any given situation . Extending this awareness to the emotional system in which we find ourselves , we can identify anxiety in the system , see triangles , and choose to be the non-anxious presence in the system while remaining connected to those who are acting out their anxiety within it .
What is a non-anxious presence ? Consider a mobile sculpture . Without wind , the mobile hangs with little
Page 6 Fall 2021 CSEE Connections