Community Bankers of Iowa Monthly Banker Update August 2013 | Page 15

Most of us seem to live our entire lives without truly understanding ourselves. We talk too much, give advice too quickly, get too angry or fail to keep our promises. If we are honest with ourselves, we would admit that sometimes we feel smug over a friend’s plight or that we value looks and money over integrity and kindness. We rarely allow ourselves to go much beyond these realizations. Understanding yourself is one of the most important tasks in hiding your goat. A lot of pop psychology says to accentuate the positive and push the negative aside. Unfortunately, without recognizing potential negatives, you can’t cast them off. So, as you prepare to hide your goat, it may be helpful to discover your goat by answering the following questions. Are you a faultfinder? Critical people can’t resist pointing out a problem. Nothing is ever good enough. Faultfinders expect perfectionism in themselves and others. Finding fault or criticizing exposes your goat and almost always derails relationships and drives people away. Criticism does not persuade people to change, even if your criticism is valid. Worse, others will not trust you because they know that, sooner or later, they, too, will fall prey to your criticism. People will put their guard up. Spontaneity will disappear as they carefully choose their words and watch their actions around you. Over time, they won’t even want to be with you. Many roads lead to negativity. Sometimes a person is born into a family in which one or both parents are critical. As a result, the child grows up learning to look at the world through a negative lens. People can become faultfinders if they live or work with negative people. If someone around you is pointing out mistakes, flaws and injustices, it’s easy to start focusing on mistakes, flaws and injustices yourself. If you think you’re too critical a person, change. Are you a jealous person? Do you constantly compare, evaluate and feel badly when someone else wins. Jealousy is a flaw we often have difficulty acknowledging in ourselves. Not acknowledging someone else’s achievements is one way jealousy rears its ugly head. I still remember the day a committee member informed me that I had

been elected to the Speaker Hall of Fame. When I told a fellow speaker, whom I had known for over fourteen years, about the induction, he said, “I’ve been nominated several times and never got elected. Sounds like you had the right committee voting.” Just as you do when herding your goats, you must look inside yourself for the reason you are jealous. The answer is there. Sometimes jealousy arises from insecurity. Eighteenth century scholar and mystic Moshe Luzzatto had great insight on jealousy when he wrote, “The one who envies gains nothing for himself and deprives the one he envies of nothing. There are those who are so foolish that if they perceive their neighbor to possess a certain good, they brood, worry and suffer to the point that their neighbor’s good prevents them from enjoying their own.” Continued on page 14. Steve Gilliland was the keynote speaker during the First General Session at the Community Bankers of Iowa’s 42nd Management Conference & Annual Convention, held July 17-19, 2013 in Okoboji, Iowa. Thank you to everyone who Joined Team Main Street and attended the Annual Convention! Gilliland is one of the most in-demand and top rated speakers in North America. Gilliland is also an accomplished author. His book Enjoy The Ride™ has been on the publisher’s best seller list for five consecutive years. As a follow-up to Gilliland’s presentation, parts six and seven of his “Hide Your Goat” series will be published in this issue and the September issue of the “Community Banker Update.” If you would like to purchase additional signed copies of Gilliland’s books, please call the CBI office at 515.453.1 MH??[?H[???X][????]Y?\??L?????????X[?[?K????L??