COMMUNICATION: How To Flirt, Start Conversations And Keep Them Going? The Art Of Succesful Flirting and Dating | Page 8

assume that he/she is interested. If these eye contacts trigger a smile, you can approach your target with some
confidence.
If, on the other hand, your target avoids making eye contact
with you, or looks away after a fraction of a second and does
not look back again, you should probably assume that your
interest is not returned. There is still the possibility that your
target is just a very shy person – and some females may be
understandably wary of signalling any interest in male
strangers. The only way to find out is by close observation of
your target's behaviour towards others. Does she consistently
avoid direct eye-contact with men? Does he seem nervous,
anxious or aloof in his interactions with other women? If so,
your target's reluctance to meet your gaze may be nothing
personal, and it might be worth approaching, but only with
considerable caution.
Once you have approached your target, you will need to make
eye contact again in order to strike up a conversation. As soon as your eyes meet, you may begin to speak. Once a
conversation begins, it is normal for eye contact to be broken as the speaker looks away. In conversations, the person
who is speaking looks away more than the person who is listening, and turn-taking is governed by a characteristic
pattern of looking, eye contact and looking away.
So, to signal that you have finished speaking and invite a response, you then look back at your target again. To show
interest while your target is speaking, you need to look at his/her face about three-quarters of the time, in glances lasting
between one and seven seconds. The person speaking will normally look at you for less than half this time, and direct
eye contact will be intermittent, rarely lasting more than one second. When your target has finished speaking, and
expects a response, he or she will look at you and make brief eye contact again to indicate that it is your turn.
The basic rules for pleasant conversation are: glance at the
other person's face more when you are listening, glance
away more when you are speaking and make brief eye
contact to initiate turn-taking. The key words here are
'glance' and 'brief': avoid prolonged staring either at the
other person or away.
The most common mistake people make when flirting is to
overdo the eye contact in a premature attempt to increase
intimacy. This only makes the other person feel
uncomfortable, and may send misleading signals. Some
men also blow their chances by carrying on a conversation
with a woman's breasts, rather than looking at her face.

Interpersonal distance
The distance you keep from the other person when flirting
is important, because it will affect his or her impression of
you, and the quality of your interaction. Perhaps even more
importantly, paying attention to the other person's use of
distance will tell you a great deal about his/her reactions
and feelings towards you.
When you first approach an attractive stranger, having
established at least an indication of mutual interest through
eye contact, try to make eye contact again at about 4ft
away, before moving any closer. At 4 ft (about two small
steps away), you are on the borderline between what are
known as the 'social zone' (4 to 12 ft) and the 'personal
zone' (18in to 4ft).
If you receive a positive response at 4ft, move in to 'arm's length' (about 2ft 6in). If you try to approach much closer
than this, particularly if you try to cross the 18in 'personal zone/intimate zone' border, your target may feel
uncomfortable. The 'intimate zone' (less than 18in) is reserved for lovers, family and very close friends. If you are close
enough to whisper and be heard, you are probably too close for comfort.