COMMUNICATION: How To Flirt, Start Conversations And Keep Them Going? In Depth Guide to Approaching, Flirting and Dating | Page 84

Marriage Myth: Communication will Solve All Your Problems
Concealed issues suddenly brought to light can explode.
Michael and Gwen enter the counselor’s office and
nervously take their seats. Michael fidgets and stares at
the floor while Gwen sits upright, looks toward the
therapist and utters the words that marriage counselors
hear so frequently, they can almost say them in unison,
“Doctor, we’re not like most of the couples you see…
we don’t have any really serious problems; he doesn’t
drink or beat me or chase other women—nothing like
that. Our problem is that we just don’t communicate.”
“We just don’t communicate.” The cry is frequent and
the assumptions are clear: Communication means a
better marriage; more conversation means more
connection; increased interaction means increased
intimacy. It all sounds logical enough—or does it?

Brace for fallout
In the past, I might have rushed in with a glut of
techniques to help a couple like Michael and Gwen
accomplish their stated goal of better communication.
But over the years I’ve learned that working to improve
marital communication is a lot like exploratory surgery:
The risk of what might be exposed is fraught with peril. Couples need to brace for the potential fallout that better
communication may bring before they recklessly plunge ahead with the scalpel.
Good communication involves both partners being aware of their own thoughts and feelings and expressing them in
an open, clear way. When a person communicates effectively, there is congruence between their inner experience and
their outward expression. However, even an increase in direct
and consistent communication doesn’t insure that a
relationship will improve.
Let’s take television’s Cleaver family, for example. If Ward
started to be more open with June, maybe he would finally
tell her that he doesn’t like her award-winning meatloaf or
share the fact that he’s still upset about her quitting her job
last year. He might even confess that he just lost half of their
savings by making a bad investment. If June risked better
communication, she might reveal her dissatisfaction with
their sex life, complain about Ward’s low income or disclose
the fact that his inebriated brother made a pass at her last
Thanksgiving.
Partners conspire to restrict and filter their interactions
because they sense the danger involved in expressing
themselves more openly. Once this pact of limited
communication is broken, the lid of Pandora’s box can blast
open.