He said, “I will take my chances of loneliness than being accountable for loving you. Please understand. You know that I love you but I know you will let me go some day?”
Straight asinine, I thought. The man I so dearly loved was too scared to be a MAN and secure his insecurities into the love we shared.
I then turned and walked away. I headed towards the door and opened it. “Walk away! Walk out on our love! Let our love hit the door for I can’t make you love me."
A few months later, he passed away. His doctors gave him a few months to live. Exactly from the “doom” day he came home, professed his love and checked out on our love. He was stricken by liver cancer. He had been ignoring the signs and denying treatment. His last visit to the doctor's office was his final visit. I felt it was selfish of him to push me away.
He rathered have canceled out on the love we shared and break my heart then than now! It’s funny how the pain still feels the same.
But who am I to dictate how he should have lived in his last days. Could I have been selfish wanting him to love me? Could I have been selfish wanting our love to flourish? Could I have been too selfish by wanting to enjoy the love that was once spreading like wildflower?
Wow! Love had me all wrapped up! Love fooled me once again!
"LOVE" in my coffee