to a cause larger than ourselves by
fighting off cold and flu viruses and
other invaders that could make us ill.
5. Relationships
Serving others, taking care of others,
and being compassionate and kind
are important sources of human
thriving. Indeed, Deci and Ryan
identify relatedness as another
innate psychological need. In “Love
2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion
Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do
and Become” (Hudson Street Press,
2013), Fredrickson encourages us
to “make love all day long;” i.e., to
infuse each moment in another’s
company with your full attention,
your head and heart in it together.
In addition to simply feeling good,
sharing positive emotions with
others creates micro-moments of
connection which calm the nervous
system and improve brain function.
Over time, these micro-moments
accumulate to help delay disease
and avoid early death. Compassion
for negative emotions experienced
by ourselves and others is Mother
Nature’s soothing balm. Just like
crying babies, negative emotions
need a warm, appreciative embrace
to settle and allow us to get on with
our day.
6. Confidence and
Competence
Recommended Reading
Confidence—what Albert Bandura
put on the map as the psychological
BOOKS
Curious?: Discover the Missing
Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life, by Todd
B. Kashdan (Harper Perennial, 2010)
Drive: The Surprising Truth About
What Motivates Us, by Daniel H. Pink
(Riverhead Books, 2011)
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can
Matter More Than IQ, by Daniel
Goleman (Bantam Books, 2005)
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal
Experience, by Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi
(Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2008)
20 Coaching World
term “self-efficacy”—is a strong
predictor of successful performance
in work goals and creating new
health habits. As Henry Ford
suggested, “Whether you think
you can, or you think you can’t—
you’re right.” Deci and Ryan’s selfdetermination theory identifies
competence as the third primary
need, suggesting that acquiring
new knowledge and skills, applying
our chief strengths, and continually
growing confidence are all vital
lifetime pursuits. A wellness-focused
coaching engagement can get us on
the right track, instilling confidence
in the ability to combine a full work
and family life with a focus on
self-care and well-being: exercising
safely, cooking well, keeping weight
stable, sleeping peacefully and
taming the overwhelming frenzy
brought on by a “life switch” stuck in
the “on” position.
7. Curiosity and New
Experience Seeking
Psychologist Todd Kashdan asserts
that curiosity is a primary driver of
human well-being, writing, “When we
experience curiosity, we are willing
to leave the familiar and routine and
take risks, even if it makes us feel
anxious and uncomfortable. Curious
explorers are comfortable with the
risks of taking on new challenges.
Instead of trying desperately to
explain and control our world, as
Love 2.0: Finding Happiness and
Health in Moments of Connection, by
Barbara Fredrickson (Plume, 2013)
a curious explorer we embrace
uncertainty, and see our lives as an
enjoyable quest to discover, learn
and grow.”
Our primary need for new
experiences—to explore, learn and
change— is easy to see in curious
children but is often squashed by
the demands of adult life. This is an
important capacity for adapting to
an ever-changing world: being evercurious, never taking anything for
granted including one’s assumptions
and beliefs. Life is just one big set
of experiments with unpredictable
outcomes. Indeed, Kashdan notes
that declining curiosity is one of the
important early signs of dementia
and Alzheimer’s disease. You may
recall Frank Zappa’s quote: “A mind
is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if
it is not open.”
8. Creativity
We also readily see in children a
primary capacity to be creative,
generative, imaginative and
spontaneous, but these traits
often seem out of reach for adults,
with our overscheduled days and
overstretched minds. Creativity
improves both mental and physical
health. It works best when our brains
are unleashed to wander about,
unplugged from deadlines and goals .
This part of us has fun brainstorming,
playing games and being impulsive.
When in full flight it produces flow
Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control, by
Albert Bandura (Worth Publishers, 1997)
Mindset: The New Psychology of
Success, by Carol Dweck (Ballantine
Books, 2007)
Why We Do What We Do:
Understanding Self-Motivation, by
Edward L. Deci and Richard Flaste
(Penguin, 1996)
Organize Your Mind, Organize Your
Life: Train Your Brain to Get More
Done in Less Time, by Margaret Moore
and Paul Hammerness (Harlequin, 2011)
Your Creative Brain: Seven Steps to
Maximize Imagination, Productivity
and Innovation in Your Life, by Shelley
Carson (Jossey-Bass, 2012)
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power
of Being Kind to Yourself, by Kristin
Neff (William Morrow, 2011)