JOKES
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. A guard stops him and says,“ What’ s in the bags?”
“ Sand,” answered Juan. The guard says,“ We’ ll just see about that. Get off the bike.”
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, lifts them onto the man’ s shoulders and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks,“ What have you got?”
“ Sand,” says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events repeats every day for three years. Then one day, Juan doesn’ t show up. The guard meets up with him in a cantina in Mexico.
“ Hey, buddy,” the guard says,“ I know you’ re smuggling something. It’ s driving me crazy. It’ s all I think about. I can’ t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”
“ Bicycles,” Juan says.
A man walks into a bar and sees a good-looking woman sitting on a stool. He walks up to her and says,“ Hi there, how’ s it going?”
She turns to him, looks deep into his eyes and says,“ I’ ll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn’ t matter.”
He says,“ No kidding! I’ m a lawyer too. What law fiFirm are you with?”
Brenda reports for jury duty as ordered, and promptly asks to be excused because she believes she’ s prejudice.
“ I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I immediately knew that he was guilty as sin.”
“ Sit down,” says the judge.“ That’ s the prosecuting attorney.”
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A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry he sat down and looked over the menu...
Broiled Missionary: $ 10.00 Fried Explorer: $ 15.00 Baked Politician: $ 100.00.
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked,“ Why such a price difference for the politician?”
The cook replied“ Have you ever tried to clean one of them?”
During a visit to a hospital for the mentally infirm, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.
“ Well,” said the Director,“ we fill up a bathtub; then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“ Oh, I understand,” said the smart-arsed visitor.“ A normal person would use the bucket because it’ s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“ No,” said the Director,“ a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed by the wall or near the window?”
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