Goodnight, Fortnite
Epic Games announces it is shutting down popular game
By Len Dillon & Cole Galaxy
Cheiftain Staff
It is sad, but it is true. Epic Games
has announced it will discontinue Fort-
nite. The servers will shut
down on Sunday, April 1.
The creators could not
keep up with the demands
of the players. The com-
pany’s servers have been
unable to accommodate
the reported 40 million
people who play the game.
Because it’s a free game,
the company does not have
the money to update the
servers. This news struck
the Fortnite community
hard. Many people offered
donations and tried to start
GoFundMe accounts to
keep the game going, but it
was too little, too late.
“We appreciate the
support from our commu-
nity,” Epic Games said in a
statement, “but for busi-
ness and fi nancial reasons,
we are forced to terminate
Fortnite.”
Epic Games did not mention any
other reasons, other than the fi nancial
reasons, for why they are shutting
down the game that has brought us all
together.
Many Brother Rice students are
devastated by this news. Reports have
circulated that students will miss school
days to get in some last-minute Battle
Royale. Teachers and girlfriends, how-
ever, cannot be more thrilled to receive
this news. Multiple teachers have said
they do not have to worry about stu-
dents watching Fortnite on YouTube
anymore. Though unannounced, the
staff will be throwing a
small party in the Teacher’s
Lounge to celebrate the
news. Girlfriends are also
ecstatic because now their
boyfriends will not ignore
them for this “stupid video
game,” as one called it.
These young ladies will
never have to worry about
boyfriends ignoring them
for hours trying to get that
Victory Royale.
To the students, we are
sorry to break this news.
We feel the same pain you
guys do. The Chieftain staff
shed some tears when
word of this tragic news
broke.
Students are organizing
in one fi nal effort to con-
vince Epic Games to keep
Fortnite, or else we’ll all be
stuck playing PubG, and
no one wants that.
For the last few days this game is out,
the boys are encouraged to go out and
get one fi nal Victory Royale.
Hate Letter from Santa
Irate over criticism, Father Christmas defends holiday mascots everywhere
By Q Thomas Shaffer, President
Sam Luttman Fan Club
It is well known that Chieftain staff
member Sam Luttmann is not too fond
of holidays.
To name a few examples -- and, trust
me, this is just the tip of the iceberg --
he has berated Cupid, fake Christmas
trees, and, most recently, Leprechauns
and the Easter Bunny. (See Page 2.)
Although it was meant to be humor-
ous to you, our loyal Chieftain readers,
the holiday mascots are not having it.
The following letter recently was
delivered to the Chieftain:
B R HY
OTHE
R R H IC
E R
H IC
IG E H C
S H C IC
H O A O
L ? C B
H I ECAUSE
E F TA I N .
W
B ROT
ER
GO
Dear Mr.
Luttmann,
It has come
to my attention
that you have
repeatedly ver-
bally assaulted
me and my
fellow holiday
companions,
and I will not
stand for it.
We here at the North Pole accept the
identity of all trees, real or fake, and your
hatred towards fake trees is despicable.
AGE
P AG
E 7
Cupid arrived in my offi ce, crying profusely
about how he has no other clothes due to
fi nancial reasons, so he is forced to wear a
diaper, and no one understands his misery.
The Easter Bunny is a holiday staple, and
you can’t have St. Patty’s Day without a
few Leprechauns.
You are pond scum to me. We have col-
lectively agreed that we will cut your hair as
an act of retribution.
You suck,
Santa
Some of the wildest hate mail we’ve
received, that’s for sure. Luttmann had
better watch out.
O A C P T R O I L B E 1, R 2016
2018