BROTHER RICE
Chicago
‘Uncle’ Named New Principal
We bid farewell to Mr. O as his one-year deal expires
By Cole Galaxy
Rice is getting another new principal, it
Chieftain Staff
begs the question, who will be the next
No shocker here. Brother Rice will
principal? The top candidates include
get another new principal for the
2018-19 school year. Rice is all
about tradition, so it only makes
sense they keep the tradition going.
Juniors have experienced a new
principal every year at Rice, so the
administration wants to keep the
trend going.
To meet the new tradition,
Brother Rice has introduced a new
one-year contract for principals.
Mr. O knew this deal coming in.
He was the fi rst to sign up for the
one-year deal.
Uncle and Mike Parris ‘17 on a trip to Little Caesars
Mr. O did great things in his one
year, with absolute control over his
staff and student body. Everybody
Mr. Riker, Miss Becker (a former prin-
loved this man but, unfortunately,
cipal, after all), Mr. Hickey, and Uncle.
time is almost up. Now that Brother
Obviously, we all know who has the
best chance. Uncle is, by far, the front-
runner to become the next principal.
He took a year off from Rice-related
events to better himself as a leader.
Rumor has it, he went to Russia to iso-
late himself and live with the natives.
In that experience, he learned how to
fi nally discipline students and he is
coming back stronger than ever.
Instead of Uncle being everybody’s
favorite, easy-going substitute, he
aims to come back as the strictest
principal in Rice history. He has no
soul now; he is a stone-cold man and
will do whatever it takes to achieve
discipline in this school. And this is
exactly what Brother Rice needs. We
need a man under 5-foot-5 with some
attitude to whip the students into
shape.
Please see PRINCIPAL on Page 8
Riker Eyeing Comeback
Looking to continue pro baseball career
By Deacon Kunz
Chieftain Staff
As many of us know, one of our teach-
ers is a former professional athlete. Yes
he may have only played Class A base-
ball, but it still counts in our hearts.
This man goes by many names: Mr.
Riker, Bob Riker, Robert Riker, Coach
Riker or Bobby Rikes. After a recent
comeback from Tim Tebow, the wheels
started spinning in Riker’s head. Could
he possibly come back and attempt
to revive his Bristol Tiger glory days?
Maybe even crack Triple A?
He thinks so, and after working with a
local scout, it was worth a closer look.
W HY B ROT H ER R I C E C H IC A GO ? B ECAUSE .
You know how Mr. Riker has 8th
hour off and is never present at school
assemblies, rallies or functions? Yeah,
he’s in the workout room getting ready
for his Bristol Pirates tryout.
With the help of some notable War-
rior Park boosters, Mr. Riker was able
to land a spring training tryout with his
former team.
“It feels great,” Riker said. “I know
I’m up there in age and my prime is
past, but I know I can contribute from
the bullpen and hopefully be a fi gure
these younger guys can look up to.”
When asked how he made it happen,
Please see RIKER on Page 8
P AGE 5
A P R I L 1, 2018