This month has been hard on me. As a mom suffering from PTSD from various traumatic events that have occured in my life this month is difficult being away from my oldest son and Mothers Day will be bittersweet. My youngest is here with my husband and I and for that I am greatful. My oldest however was born on Mothers Day back in 2007 and he lives in another state with his fathers family. Long story short I left because I got tired of the abuse, took my son with me and lost custody and we are working towards being able to afford an attorney to try and get full custody. So while today I will be somewhat happy Mothers Day always brings the memory of my oldest sons birth and saddens me that I am away from him for his birthday and he is away from me for this day that is meant to spend time with my children. Nearer to the end of the month will be rough as well since my brother who was killed in a tragic car accident back in August of 2011 would have been 27 on the 30th, another part of my PTSD is caused by witnessing the immediate response team working on his lifeless body, seeing the smashed car and what seemed like hours later getting final news that he was dead. I still have nightmares, anxiety and panic attacks however I am learning better what my triggers are and ways to calm myself. Being a mother with PTSD is at times so hard because Zee Bear will make a loud noise and it startles me and puts me into panic mode or I will have a flashback and the whole day I spend on edge. Enough about all of that for now though. I am focusing my extra energy into writing this amazing zine and hopefully bringing out and answering some of the questions that others may have and sharing all I know. I hope that this zine will bring a community of like minded parents together and help us all be more comfortable parenting outside the societal norm.
FterMath
My family tries to be as frugal as possible, mainly because we really have to. We don't have money for many extras that often so we "urban forrage" also known as dumpster diving, we use coupons for the things we buy and try to match our meals to the sales for the month. There will be more in this column in the coming issues, I just do not have alot of time currently as I am working like a mad woman trying to get the zine together in time for its anticipated Mothers Day introduction.
Thoughts from the mind of Mama Bear.