MY STORY IS NOT THE AVERAGE ONE YOU ’ LL READ IN THE NEWSLETTER OF CANADIAN PHYSIQUE ALLIANCE BUT IT ’ S DEFINITELY ONE TO BE SHARED . MY NAME IS ROUZALIN AND THIS IS MY JOURNEY .
As far as I can remember , I was always extremely active , fit , social , and adventurous to say the least . Growing up , my family and I lived in numerous countries and that ’ s where my love of traveling began . This love of travel led me to wander and live in various parts of the world including 5 years in Australia . There , I discovered many personal passions including fitness , modelling , motorcycles , and racing . After several years living abroad , I decided it was time to return to my family that I hadn ’ t seen in quite some time . Being back in Canada was unfamiliar again but I felt the need to stay close to home . It took a long while , but I rebuilt my life as I saw fit and incorporated all my passions including fitness and bikes , not long after that my life took a turn for the unimaginable !!
In September 2021 , I was involved in near fatal motorcycle accident that led me to the ER at Sunnybrook hospital in Toronto . I was conscious the entire accident but was sedated in ER and when I awoke days later my greatest fears had come true , I found myself amputated above the knee on my left leg . Everything I knew and loved was instantly shattered in mere seconds , I lost my hopes , my dreams , and myself in that accident . I woke up without a limb and had no idea what happened , completely shocked , confused , and petrified . I kept praying to whoever would listen to please make this nightmare end ! I kept trying to convince myself that this wasn ’ t really happening and that it would all stop soon . I didn ’ t want to keep going and just hoped it would end . I faced the darkest of times , moments , and thoughts . Nothing would be the same for me again . I went from being the most active , independent , and on the go person to completely losing my entire life in moments . I spent night after night alone and filled with indescribable sorrow , I couldn ’ t bring myself to stop crying even for a minute . The hospital / rehab / recovery all of it , was filled with tremendous sadness . I couldn ’ t accept it long enough to even see family / friends , I denied all visitors and refused all support . When I got home from rehab , I was transitioning from wheelchair to a mechanical leg , using crutches and walkers , and falling nearly daily . I was truly struggling to relearn the most basic day to day tasks . I was isolating myself from friends , family , and the outside world in general . Mainly due to fear , embarrassment , shame , and every insecurity you can think of . I was not only going through physical changes , but mental stress / PTSD and the darkness consumed me for months without a glimmer of hope . My home and space were filled with constant strangers from OT to nurses to medical professionals , each one of them helping me with various daily to-dos . I need them to help me stand , walk , look after my wounds , even shower . I couldn ’ t cook , grocery shop , or even clean after myself . I felt like a complete waste of space just riding the endless wave of existence .
Luckily for us , time is on our side , I started to step outside little by little only to go to the one place I felt safe – the gym . There everything felt doable , manageable , ACHEIVABLE , and so rewarding . I felt my strength come back to me both physically and mentally . I felt like myself again , I felt alive again and I was never letting go of that feeling . I decided to give myself the love and strength I knew I deserved by beating all odds and overcoming challenges no one expected me to . I started writing editorials in magazines to help others with amputations