Campaign Gazette - Bekki & Michael - Media 2015 Gazette 1 | Page 3

" Insider’s Guide to New Zealand’s
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Biggest Law Firms

Buddle Findlay: This firm was originally called ‘Buddie
Findlay’ to give it a more friendly and welcoming image,
until an expensive sign misprint forced a change."

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Mayne Wetherell: Who?"

For many law students, work in a law firm is the ultimate
end-goal of studying law. However, most of those entering
law school couldn’t tell the difference between Turner
Hopkins and Brookfields, and even those who can are
usually relying on information from the firms themselves.
We’ve decided to put together an insider’s guide to some of
New Zealand’s biggest law firms."

Bell Gully: Despite sharing the Vero Building with Russell
McVeagh, Bell Gully has never realised it would be a great
idea to team up and make one massive law firm."

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Russell McVeagh: As a firm heavily invested in youth
development, the average Russell McVeagh scholar is
around 13 years old."

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Minter Ellison Rudd Watts: Chief sponsor of the Auckland
Law Revue, Minters prefers to hold auditions when looking
for summer clerks instead of the traditional interview."

DLA Philips Fox: Contrary to popular belief, this firm is
actually named after the fox of DLA Philips."

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Simpson Grierson: Known for its progressive attitudes,
women make up over 10% of Simpson Grierson’s
workforce, and rumour has it that an immigrant of some
sort works in their catering company."

Chapman Tripp: Ironically the first case this firm had to
deal with was a messy ACC case in which founding partner
Chapman tripped over and became paralysed from the
waist down.

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Miss Motutapu:

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Miss Motutapu is about
producing a comedic skit.
Sure, people get their balls
sucked in front of 200 of
their peers but it’s all in the
name of theatre, right? In
2012, the crowds oo-ed
and ahh-ed as boys
dressed up as girls. A
respectable effort indeed,
but it wasn’t until the great
wolfman Dylan Casey got
his schlong out that the people realised the theatrical
value of the phallic motif. And why not flaunt it? If it’s
bigger than 16cm, it’s what the people want. "

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Female competitors should stand up for their own
gender equality! Why should your puppies shy away
from the crowd and your landing strip (that you homewaxed with precision) be ignored? If you feel you have
to flash your tits to get across an artistic message,
don’t let the patriarchy hold you back. "

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Many a nominee have pulled a fake coma to get out of
Miss Motutapu in the expectation that they will go
down in law school history as that slutty person in their
underwear but I assure you that if you do take a crap
to the chest at Law Camp, you will be received by all
with the utmost respect. "

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N

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Yay or
Nay?

Law camp is one of the only
opportunities for students to act
like the animals they truly are,
and Miss Motutapu is the
culmination of such primal
urges. The problem is, it’s not
primal enough. Motutapu Island
has no rules or responsibilities,
and a couple of exposed private
parts does not do justice to this. "

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I would replace Miss Motutapu with ‘Hunger Games:
Motutapu edition’. An alcohol-fuelled, orgiastic
slaughterfest, in which only one part two student will last
the night. Weapons will be provided, ranging from Todd
on Torts to a judge’s gavel. Camp leaders will ensure
that the games go as planned, patrolling the island and
committing s157 Murder on anyone who tries to leave
the island."

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The legal profession is highly competitive, and
institutionalised killing of fellow students would strip
away all the pretence of suits, suits, and settlements.
Firms are looking for clerks who would not hesitate to
maim, bludgeon or throttle their peers, so if anything the
change would heighten employability of AULSS
members."

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Law is a cutthroat business, and Miss Motutapu does
not accurately represent this. Also, a bloodbath has far
fewer transphobic undertones than what we currently
have.