PARENTING social behaviour . Sadly , this is exactly what our grandmothers and their mothers have practised with their kids and grandkids – particularly boys – in the yester years . This unhealthy dose of care and attention , even during times when it should be totally avoided , is one of the reasons that build up rage and impatience in children . I often wonder if this aspect of upbringing is perhaps what makes us so intolerant , annoyed , and disgruntled as a nation , especially every time something goes against our wishes . It seems that we ’ ve been born incapable of practising actual self-control and patience . I strongly believe that the amalgamation of a child ’ s emotions and character in the future is dependent on how his parents reacted to his behaviours – good or bad – particularly , in the early years of his life . By the age of two , children experience some understanding of morality . Their feelings begin to be triggered by what is right or wrong . Unfortunately , this is the time when most parents in Pakistan are yearning to make their kids learn ABCs and 123s , so that they can boast about their child ’ s “ intelligence ” prior to
even joining school . This is an unfavourable attitude , the roots of which have slowly scathed our children ’ s early years with the worthless and unwarranted pressures of the world . At least in the old days , parents weren ’ t as panic-stricken or possessed by the insane desire to make their kids outperform others in academics . It was either incessant love and care , or an ill-disposed spanking which their children ’ s negative behaviour warranted . While none were the correct course of action to be followed by parents in their child ’ s moment of inappropriate aggression ( considering both granted the child the attention he sought for ) they were at least constructively circled around fostering the child ’ s upbringing during an age when it most needed . Nowadays however , the focus of renovating a child ’ s behaviours at a tender age has been drastically mitigated by the hungry race and greed for attaining academic intelligence , good grades , and related achievements that can be bragged about .
While doing so , we have forgotten the art of cherishing the most precious moments of our little one ’ s lives by fi lling their laps with iPads , and their hands with an insane number of automatic , unproductive gadgets singing out the alphabets and numbers to them . When our children moan for these prized possessions , we fall prey to their tears and frustration and reinforce their negative attitudes when it is most undesirable . It is an unhealthy mix of care and competition , which Pakistani parenting currently revolves around . Last week , here in Massachusetts , I saw a four-year-old in the middle of what could have become a highly repetitive negative behaviour , if addressed wrongly by her parents . Sitting on a bench in a children ’ s playground , I witnessed a perfectly healthy reaction by the child ’ s parents to their daughter ’ s aggressive moaning , on retreating . She didn ’ t want to leave the park despite two initial warnings from her mother , and hence threw a tantrum on the thought of going back home . As she lay protesting on the cold rubber mulch beside the playground slide , her mother started making her way to the car . Meanwhile the dad , sat patiently on the bench , and busied himself on the phone without throwing the slightest glance at his daughter . Consequently , within seconds of not being given the desired attention , the kid came over to her dad , gave him a hug , and walked back to the car herself . I couldn ’ t help compare and contrast this situation with a Pakistani child and her parents in place . I envisioned their responses to the tantrum in my mind . Some hugging during the crying time was the primary image that formulated in my mind , followed by dragging the child to the car in utter helplessness . Perhaps , I have seen this , and similar reactions manifesting in different Pakistani playgrounds before . It is true that children demand a lot of care and attention in the early years of their lives . However , an excess of everything is wrong ; hugs and pampered attention during a tantrum , the instant reward given after a high-pitched protest , or the constant unhealthy quest of academic limelight – instead of a healthy mission of rightful upbringing – are all factors detrimental to instilling correct moral instincts in our children in their most important years . Parenting is a lifelong , arduous , yet meaningful gift from God . It is a constant attempt in learning to shift between fruitful attention and essential ignorance between a child ’ s momentary happiness and the thought of his future self and between loud weeping and vibrant giggles . Our reaction in each of these sweet and rough moments tests us as a parent . It certainly takes a village to raise a child , as an old African proverb goes . We need to ensure that in the village of various behaviours , challenging or rewarding , we play our part well .
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