You may be saying, “It’s too hard! You don’t know what they did!” Maybe your parent has died and you can’t tell them you forgive them. Forgiveness is an act of will; not a feeling. We choose to forgive, and then make choices in life that feed forgiveness, not bondage. Once we have chosen to forgive someone, it doesn’t mean we must continue to walk with them in places of bondage and pain. Forgiveness simply means, “I will no longer attempt to make them pay emotionally, physically or spiritually for what they did; I will release the offender from any obligation to me by forgiveness, and trust God to make right what they cannot”. And contrary to common thinking, you may never forget what happened, but the memory of it will cease to cause you pain. It will take time and effort, but forgiveness will heal your own broken heart.ou may be saying, “It’s too hard! You don’t know what they did!” Maybe your parent has died and you can’t tell them you forgive them. Forgiveness is an act of will; not a feeling. We choose to forgive, and then make choices in life that feed forgiveness, not bondage. Oncewe have chosen to forgive someone, it doesn’t mean we must continue to walk with them in places of bondage and pain. Forgiveness simply means, “I will no longer attempt to make them pay emotionally, physically or spiritually for what they did; I will release the offender from any obligation to me by forgiveness, and trust God to make right what they cannot”. And contrary to common thinking, you may never forget what happened, but the memory of it will cease to cause you pain. It will take time and effort, but forgiveness will heal your own broken heart.
Here are three things you can do that will make the process of forgiveness easier:
1. If your parents are alive, ask them about their life before you. Learn your mother’s story. See if there are similarities between her story and yours. Is there a time when your mother needed compassion and didn’t get it? How about your father? Did he suffer a tragedy prior to becoming a parent? Did he live with his father? Are your issues generational? Perhaps you are the one that will end the curse that has caused you pain. Ask for God’s perspective on what you learn and pray accordingly.
2. Are you repeating your parents’ behavior? Are you looking to restore the hurt places in your childhood through your children? Stop it! You could become guilty of the same things your parents did by attempting a “do-over” of your childhood. According to Proverbs 22:6, there is a way that your child should go. As parents, we don’t automatically know what way that is. We must ask God who knows the purpose for every life, and then create experiences and opportunities for that child to walk in that way. If you mindlessly repeat how you were parented, you will miss the joy of helping your children discover God’s plan for their life. If you purpose to give them everything you didn’t get as a child, you may miss the important values of discipline and consistency that will make your children productive adults.
3. DEVELOP YOUR OWN LIFE!!!! Develop interests of your own so that your life is fulfilled when your children leave to pursue life without you. Start by imagining a future when your children are adults and away from your house. No, you will not crawl in a hole and die. What would you like to be doing? How will your life benefit others outside of your family? What is your gift to the world? Begin the journey to discovering the frontier that is you! Forgiving others will help clear away the distractions so that you can see you even clearer. y
You are loved,
Michele
Michele Aikens is publisher of BOLD & SAVVY Magazine and CEO of Sepia Prime Woman, Inc. Follow her on Twitter @SepiaPrimeWoman