Living BOLDLY
Michele Aikens
The Mother's Day or Father's Day Gift You Can Give Yourself
I have heard enough Mother's Day stories to understand that everyone doesn't celebrate a virtuous mother who put herself aside for her children. I also realize that many grew up without a father in the home and have suffered physically, emotionally and spiritually because of it. Some of you may have awful memories of the parents who were in your home. Maybe you were neglected in some way and left to fend for yourself; you didn’t have the loving protection that makes it easy to run to God as an adult. You are wounded, so the parent celebration period is not a happy time for you.
I want to suggest three gifts you can give to yourself that will make it better. The first gift is to Forgive Your Parents. Forgive the father who wasn't there. Forgive the mother who was there, but was neglectful. Forgive your parents for being flawed, perhaps broken people themselves. Forgive the missed birthdays and the overlooked attempts to win their favor. Forgive the jokes and snickers with grown up friends about your childhood quirks that are probably now your genius. Forgive them. They likely had no idea what they were doing, or were simply repeating what was done to them.
The second gift you that will make life better is for you to Forgive Yourself. Forgive yourself for still being angry at parents for things they did knowingly or unknowingly. Forgive yourself for still trying to meet impossible expectations. Forgive yourself for the perfectionism that you have developed to try to meet unreachable standards. Forgive yourself for blindly vowing “never to do like them,” or “I will raise them as I was raised.” Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made with your own children, and ask God how to make those mistakes right.
The third gift that will make life better is for you to Forgive Your Children. It’s not their job to repair your childhood. They are going to grow up and develop a life of their own; a life that you will prayerfully be a part of, but that will not revolve around you. You may be tempted to get bitter about the prospect, but forgive them now. Today they may be small and must be your priority, but that won’t always be the case.