December 16th
I have my first show today. And I’ll get my results from the Royal Ballet
very, very soon. I looked at myself in my mirror. I wanted to walk out of my
body and into a new one.
I’m the worst person I know
I’m the worst person I know
I’m the worst person I know
I’m the worst person I know!
I’m so ugly
I’m so ugly
I’m so ugly
I’m so ugly
I broke down. Never this way. And soon I needed to wear tights and a
costume and Ugh. At least Clara wears a loose fitting dress. It’s okay. I’m
okay. I went to our final rehearsal and waited for the show. Doesn’t suck
for someone like me to open the whole thing and end it and I’m pretty
much the center of attention. It would’ve been cool though… if I wasn’t this
way. The venue got loud and the curtains went down. I waited in the wing.
My face was full of makeup… it was uncomfortable. My hair was stuck in
tight curls in a bow at the back. I went on stage and started dancing like
that’s the only thing I knew. I didn’t feel anxiety, I didn’t feel responsible. I
felt great. I was in character and I was doing my best and it was working.
Finally, things are working for me. My set of those turns and pirouettes
were coming up. I kept going I didn’t think about it I just kept going.
I started doing my pirouettes and my pointe shoe tipped off and took me
with it.
E M