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choices. You want kids to know you
care, but you don’t want to drive them
nuts. So don’t ban films and media al-
together, just try to take an active role.
Encourage Questions. If your
kids come to you with questions about
alcohol, sex, and peer-pressure, then
you know you are doing a good job
keeping the doors to good communi-
cation open. Thank your child for ask-
ing questions. Resist the urge to make
jokes or brush off your child’s feelings.
Respond to inquiries as thoughtfully
as you can. You want to make sure the
questions keep coming to you. Cast
your vote in every potentially confus-
ing situation. Better yet, turn the table
and ask your teen what he thinks is
the best choice in a situation. This is a
good way to find out if she is listening
or tuning you out.
Look In The Mirror. Your child is
going to pick up on the way you relate
to your own body. Are you constantly
on a diet? Typically complaining
about weight you want to lose but not
exercising? Do you drink soda, eat
junk food, and hit the fast food drive
through when you are upset? Do you
drink often or excessively on occasion?
Kids are imitators. They will do what
you do. They will act the way you act.
If you say yes to every request for your
time and don’t take time to take care
of yourself, then your children will
not learn to say no, either. How’s your
sex life? How’s your drinking? How’s
your ability to say no? If the answer is
not good, get to work on make better
choices yourself, since this is what you
expect of your kids.
When is your job as a choice coach
done? Never. The goal for both you
and your child is thoughtful respon-
siveness. Make sure your child has all
the information she needs to get to
the place where she can make con-
scious choices and you will sleep better
tonight and every night.
Author and freelance journalist Chris-
tina Katz was a tween-teen once and thank
goodness. She draws on her memories—both
happy and humiliating—to stay as far
ahead of her tween daughter as she can.