Family LIFE
The ROAD to
PARENTHOOD
“You are not experiencing this alone. It’s very common and there
should never be any shame associated with miscarrying a child.
It’s not your fault. Talk to other women!” —Z
T
he road to parenthood isn’t always smooth.
According to the American Pregnancy Associ-
ation 10% to 25% of known pregnancies end
in miscarriage. That means all of us probably
know someone who’s had one. Miscarriage holds the
unusual position of being very common, yet routinely
avoided in conversation. Many women skirt the topic,
even with their family and close friends. In the aftermath
of a miscarriage, many of us struggle with what to do and
say. If we don’t discuss it, women feel alone.
In the 24th week (at the time of writing
this article) of her 6th pregnancy, Z shares
her story in the hopes of dismantling the
blame and isolation surrounding having
a miscarriage.
“I was 35 going 36 when we decided
to start trying. We tried once and were
successful. We had a very normal
pregnancy and our daughter was
born in September of 2013. We
decided to try again when
our daughter was 2 and
got pregnant in January
of 2016.”
Before travel-
ing for business Z
saw her doctor for
genetic testing and
an ultra-sound, — tests
that are routine for
an advanced maternal
age (35+).
“I thought I was 13 weeks
along. I knew the technician and she
said to me ‘Z this is the hardest part of
my job’. There was no heartbeat. I’d had
a ‘missed miscarriage’. There’d been no
bleeding, no pain, nothing. The baby had
stopped growing around 10 weeks and I
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BERMUDA PARENT MAGAZINE
BY ALICIA RESNICK
had no symptoms indicating that anything was wrong.”
She had a dilation & curettage (D&C) the next day. Z says it
was emotional but felt it’s what was meant to happen.
“We were disappointed as we thought we’d gotten past the danger
zone. I’m a sturdy person with a lot of fortitude and felt this is what was
supposed to happen.”
Their doctor told the couple there was no reason why they
couldn’t try again. They did and Z got pregnant in August 2016.
“This was my third pregnancy. The day before my daughter’s 3rd
birthday, I started bleeding, it was an early miscarriage – about 6 or 7
weeks. My doctor explained that because I was older perhaps my
eggs are older, maybe the egg didn’t split properly and/or there
were chromosomal issues.”
They tried again and got pregnant in November
of 2017. Because of having 2 previous miscarriages, Z
says they were nervous, but the pregnancy seemed to
be going well.
“I was at a friend’s house in December and thought I was
having gas pains. I kept going to the bathroom, looking for
blood…, looking for something. I kept having the pains and it
wasn’t getting better but there was nothing to indicate anything
was wrong. The next day there were no pains at all – we put up
our Christmas tree.”
Z says she was sitting at her computer
around midnight when her pain resumed, but
worse this time.
“I felt this sharp pain again. I googled gas pain
and pregnancy and kept thinking wow this is some-
thing. Later - I was sleeping, got up, and then found
myself on the floor. I remember wondering how did this
happen. I got up again, went to the bathroom and woke up
on the floor again.”
She’d lost consciousness twice and knew some-
thing wasn’t right. Z woke her partner and said
they should go to the hospital.
“I was fine during the ride but when we got to the
hospital I couldn’t move and passed out again. He ran in
for help. I remember hearing my daughter calling me
and thinking I can’t move, if anything happens to