Badassery Magazine February 2018 Issue 21 | Page 52

shows how not ready I was. up again.
I had A LOT of dissolving to do in
the messy middle. Because that's
what happens in there. To every-
body. Like caterpillars we dissolve.
And sadly we see that as proof we
can't do or be what we want. That
somehow this mess that is us or
our lives is proof we suck. When
actually it's completely the oppo-
site. Because I needed to do more to
reignite my creativity than “mere-
ly” learn time management and
use the time I had. Something
that's essential for sure. But like a
new year diet and gym routine you
need to go deeper before you can
change the surface. You don't get
to skip the messy middle if you re-
ally want change.
The messy middle shows that you
are learning the hard lessons you
need. The caterpillar dissolves to
become the butterfly. And I had to dive deep, get help
and keep showing up even when
I thought the pain was going to kill
me. Then, when I finally learned
dealing with my shit won't kill me,
and only then, was I able to stand.
And look around. And realized the
universe does have your back.
Even when it really doesn't feel like
that at all.
There is no A straight to C. It's A
then B and finally C.
2016 was not the year of me. My
son hated daycare. It took months
for him to adjust. And before I
could have the year of me I had to
have the year of dissolving pain.
The one that took me out at the
knees every time I tried to stand
We are not glorious despite our
truths but because of them. We
can't turn back time. We'll never
be who we were.
But we can integrate those lessons
to be that glorious imperfect mess
that makes us divinely human.
Because just like the caterpillar
doesn't know it has a cocoon, so
often we forget that we do as well.
And it's a process on repeat. Rath-
er than running from it we should
integrate it. Celebrate all of life.
Not just the good parts version.
Because we live through the cut
scenes as well. Let's stop pretend-
ing they don't exist.
Let's be our full creative and vi-
brant selves. Messy middles and
all. Because it's in that place where
pain is as vibrant as joy where the
juice of life and creativity lives. We
just need to go grab it.

Sherrie is a writer and is currently living aboard her boat Falkor
with her family. She believes passionately in the ability of creativ-
ity to heal. She also knows that life is messy and wonderful and
painful and phenomenal.​ And writing helps sort all of those things
out, which is why she created the Creative Mermaids.
creativemermaids.com
Sherrie McCarthy
51
