Life / Crowdsource This
My husband ’ s been totally focused on our baby
since she was born six months ago . I love that he ’ s a great dad , but now that we have a parenting routine , I could use a little more loving myself . How can I get him to bring back the romance and sex ? — K . M ., 28 , Boston
“ This is a supercommon issue —
we hear about it a lot from women , but even for men it takes a while for sex to come back on the table after a baby . Talk with your husband about what you both need and are available for . Sex ? Kissing ? Cuddling ? Nothing ? Just go step-by-step . To go from nothing , where you probably have been for several months , all the way to sex can be overwhelming . Also , in my mind , a big date night with expectations to have sex at the end is a terrible idea ; it just adds pressure . Do something relaxing that feels really authentic and good .”
— Lindsay Chrisler , a dating and relationship coach in New York City
52 glamour . com
“ Men are simple .
If you want sex , tell him . Not : ‘ I ’ d like more sex in this relationship .’ Get in bed and shoot him a text that says , ‘ Sex ?’ If he declines , make him pick a new day and time . And maybe you need to redefine what constitutes sex and romance now that you have a kid . If you expect a carriage ride before you get busy , I can see why your husband might pass . But if you ’ re like most married couples , all you need is 15 minutes and a door that locks . Figure out what works for you , but figure it out together .”
— James Breakwell , a comedy writer and father of four
All together now : Awww .
“ The first step won ’ t be sex .
It ’ ll be reconnecting as a couple . Think back to before the baby : What did you talk about and do ? Make sure you ’ re having those adult convos and doing those activities . There are a lot of possibilities for why he ’ s acting differently . Seeing the vagina during delivery can be a little traumatic , or he may be fatigued from child care , or afraid of getting you pregnant again . These holdups tend to be temporary , so delve into how you ’ re both feeling , listen , and validate — the physical stuff follows .”
— Katharine O ’ Connell White , M . D ., an ob-gyn in Boston
“ What a great problem to have !
It ’ s all based in love , so try to look at this from a place of gratitude : So many fathers struggle to connect with their babies , but he doesn ’ t . In my experience the healthiest families are made up of couples who take care of each other and then take care of the children ’ s needs . But in the first year all bets are off — it ’ s survival mode . I know that you ’ re feeling hurt and scared that things will never go back to normal , but trust me , he ’ ll come back . You have things the baby doesn ’ t !”
— Glennon Doyle Melton , author of Love Warrior
Want your sex and relationship questions answered here ? Email them to crowdsourcethis @ glamour . com .
MAN AND BABY : STEPHANIE RAUSSER / TRUNK ARCHIVE