IF YOU’ RE TEMPTED TO DESCEND INTO A DEEP, DARK INSTA HOLE— OR GO ON SOME OTHER SOCIAL-MEDIA FEEDING FRENZY— TO GAIN INSIGHT INTO A POTENTIAL BF, READ THIS.

BY DANIELLE KAM

that guy you met last week asked you out and you’ re feeling fly. The thing is, you only have a first name and a string of digits. Using your sleuthing skills, it takes you. 2 seconds to find him on Instagram. You keep digging and find yourself on his ex’ s Twitter, screenshotting the recent tweets he Liked, and wondering if he’ s still into her. Soon, you’ re on to his Aunt Judy’ s Facebook album from some long-ago Christmas. Is that him gnawing on a turkey leg like an extra at Medieval Times???

This is backstalking: When you dive so deep into someone’ s social accounts,

it requires an extra oxygen tank. The intent sounds innocent enough— you want to get a sense of a new guy. Problem is, playing detective to such an extreme can doom a relationship before it starts. Here’ s why you should curb the urge.

What’ s Your Motive?

You’ re curious about him. You can’ t remember exactly what he looks like. All legit reasons we look to a guy’ s digital footprint.“ We seek information to feel more comfortable about a new person,” says Stephanie Tong, PhD, assistant professor of communication at Wayne

SIMONE BECCHETTI / STOCKSY

62 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ JANUARY 2017