parenting frequency by:
• keeping little tummies full( hangry toddlers are dangerous toddlers)
• respecting sleep schedules
• giving positive attention
• warning about transitions(“ In five minutes, we’ re leaving the playground.”)
The South African approach
Recent research from South Africa emphasises the importance of parental emotional regulation in helping children develop their own coping skills. South African studies on parenting programmes have shown that when parents learn to manage their own stress and emotions, children’ s behavioural problems decrease significantly.
It’ s the Ubuntu philosophy:“ I am because you are...” – recognising that your emotional state directly affects your child’ s ability to regulate their own emotions. When you stay calm, you’ re teaching them that feelings are manageable and temporary.
The technology trap
Modern parents face a unique challenge: the temptation to hand over a screen to stop a tantrum. While it might work in the short term, research suggests that using digital devices to regulate children’ s emotions can actually hinder their development of internal coping skills.
When to worry:
The silver lining
Here’ s the thing about tantrums: they’ re actually a sign that your toddler’ s brain is developing normally. They’ re learning about emotions, boundaries, and how to navigate a world that doesn’ t always give them what they want.
Every tantrum is practice for both of you. They’ re practicing having big feelings and learning to manage them. You’ re practicing staying calm under pressure and responding with love instead of matching their energy. �
• When their tantrums regularly last longer than 30 minutes
• if they self-harm during tantrums
• When tantrums seem to come out of nowhere with no trigger
• They have difficulty calming down, even with comfort If you notice these patterns, it might be worth a chat with your paediatrician.