parenting
SURVIVING THE
A parent’ s guide to managing meltdowns: Practical tips and heartfelt lessons on staying calm, connected, and even finding joy in the chaos.
By Jonathan Hoffenberg, programmes manager, The Parent Centre – Empowering Parents Through Positive Parenting
Picture this: You’ re standing in the grocery store, proudly displaying your well-dressed, angelic toddler to the world, when suddenly they spot the candy aisle. What happens next could power a small wind farm. Welcome to the wonderful world of toddler tantrums – nature’ s way of testing whether you really meant it when you said you wanted to be a parent.
The science behind the storm
Before we dive into survival strategies, let’ s understand what we’ re dealing with. Research shows that tantrums occur in a whopping 87 % of 18 – 24- montholds and an impressive 91 % of 30 – 36-month-olds. Yes, you read that right – your little angel is part of a statistical majority of tiny terrorists. It’ s not personal; it’ s developmental!
Think of tantrums as your toddler’ s way of saying,“ I have BIG feelings and a SMALL vocabulary, and this seems like the most logical way to express my frustration about the existential crisis of being denied a second cookie.”
They’ re not plotting against you( probably) – they’ re just learning that they can’ t control the universe with their adorable smile alone.
The art of strategic ignoring
When your toddler launches into full meltdown mode, sometimes the best response is to become a zen master of selective attention.
This doesn’ t mean abandoning your child to their fury – it means staying calm, staying present, but not feeding the tantrum monster with your frantic energy.
The technique: Turn your gaze away, engage in a different activity and resist the urge to negotiate with tiny terrorists.
Why it works? Tantrums often escalate when they get big reactions. By staying calm, you’ re modelling emotional regulation( even if you’ re secretly wondering if it’ s too late to join the French Foreign Legion).
The choice illusion
One of the most brilliant parenting discoveries is that toddlers are naturalborn control freaks. From the moment they can point or protest, they crave the feeling of being in charge( like pintsized CEOs). The solution? Offer them choices that make them feel powerful and respected, while still keeping you firmly in control of the big picture.
Examples:
•“ Would you like to put on your shoes or shall I help you?”
•“ Do you want to walk to the car or be carried?”
The key is offering options where either choice works for you.
The emotional translator
Your toddler’ s tantrum is often their way of communicating something important, but they’ re speaking in the ancient language of“ WAAAAAHHHHH!” Your job is to become a professional interpreter.
The translation process: 1. Stay calm( easier said than done, we know) 2. Acknowledge their feelings:“ You’ re really upset because...” 3. Offer comfort without giving in to unreasonable demands 4. Help them find words for their emotions
Sometimes just feeling heard can deflate a tantrum.
The prevention game
The best tantrum is the one that never happens, and you can reduce the
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