Ask Ali
Send in your questions for our resident family
counselor to [email protected]
Q
I have no sex life and I don’t even feel like masturbating. Weird? Is it possible to wean
someone back onto sex?
I’m so glad you asked! Not weird at all! And
sadly, pretty common. Sex, like a drug or
exercise, produces addictive happy chemicals
such as dopamine and endorphins. The more
you have it, the more you want it. If you go long
enough without, you stop the cravings. Other
things can be a factor to a low sex drive, such
as menopause, hormones, low self-esteem,
depression, alcohol, diet, and lack of sleep
or exercise.
So, what can you do to get back into the
groove? Get back in touch (so to speak) with
your body. Touch yourself. Love yourself.
Fantasize. Give yourself permission to feel
pleasure. Get a massage! (Even if it’s just a foot
rub.) Swap massages with a friend if money
is tight. Or go to a massage school for one
that will be low-cost.
Do what makes you feel amazing.
What puts the strut in your step? Is it
red lipstick? A new item of clothing?
Completing a challenging task? Maybe
a day off? Exercise? Have lunch with an
upbeat friend. Go for a power walk. Go
dancing! Get your blood flowing. The
better you feel about yourself the more
you will want to touch yourself … and
subsequently, the more people will want
to touch you.
If you’re concerned there might be
a deeper issue, or if this persists, don’t
hesitate to consult a therapist or your
medical doctor. Consider having your
hormones tested. Make sure it’s not
a side effect to a medication you are
currently taking. Talk to someone
about depression and lack of sexual
desire. They may suggest taking
herbal supplements to increase
your libido.
Now, go touch yourself!