well they ’ re liked , because they ’ re too busy focusing on the people they ’ re with . It ’ s what makes their irresistibility seem so effortless .
To put this habit to work for you , try putting down the smart phone and focusing on the people you ’ re with . Focus on what they ’ re saying , not what your response will be , or how what they ’ re saying will affect you . When people tell you something about themselves , follow up with open-ended questions to draw them out even more .
THEY ARE AUTHENTIC . Irresistible people are who they are . Nobody has to burn up energy or brainpower trying to guess their agenda or predict what they ’ ll do next . They do this because they know that no one likes a fake .
People gravitate toward authentic individuals because they know they can trust them . It ’ s easy to resist someone when you don ’ t know who they really are and how they really feel .
THEY FIND REASONS TO LOVE LIFE . Irresistible people are positive and passionate . They ’ re never bored , because they see life as an amazing adventure and approach it with a joy that other people want to be a part of .
It ’ s not that irresistible people don ’ t have problems — even big ones — but they approach problems as temporary obstacles , not inescapable fate . When things go wrong , they remind themselves that a bad day is just one day , and they keep hope that tomorrow or next week or next month will be better .
THEY DITCH THE SMALL TALK . There ’ s no surer way to prevent an emotional connection from forming during a conversation than by sticking to small talk . When you robotically approach people with small talk this puts their brains on autopilot and prevents them from having any real affinity for you . Irresistible people create connection and find depth even in short , every day conversations . Their genuine interest in other people makes it easy for them to ask good questions and relate what they ’ re told to other important facets of the speaker ’ s life .
THEY TREAT EVERYONE WITH RESPECT . Whether interacting with their biggest client or a server taking their drink order , irresistible people are unfailingly polite and respectful . They understand that — no matter how nice they are to the person they ’ re having lunch with — it ’ s all for naught if that person witnesses them behaving badly toward someone else . Irresistible people treat everyone with respect because they believe they ’ re no better than anyone else .
THEY HAVE INTEGRITY . People with high integrity are irresistible because they walk their talk , plain and simple . Integrity is a simple concept but a difficult thing to practice . To demonstrate integrity every day , irresistible people follow through , they avoid talking bad about other people , and they do the right thing , even when it hurts .
THEY DON ’ T TRY TOO HARD . Irresistible people don ’ t dominate the conversation with stories about how smart and successful they are . It ’ s not that they ’ re resisting the urge to brag . The thought doesn ’ t even occur to them because they know how unlikeable people are who try too hard to get others to like them .
THEY SMILE . People naturally ( and unconsciously ) mirror the body language of the person they ’ re talking to . If you want people to find you irresistible , smile at them during conversations and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result .
THEY MAKE AN EFFORT TO LOOK THEIR BEST ( JUST NOT TOO MUCH OF AN EFFORT ) There ’ s a massive difference between being presentable and being vain . Irresistible people understand that making an effort to look your best is comparable to cleaning your house before company comes — it ’ s a sign of respect for others . But once they ’ ve made themselves presentable , they stop thinking about it .
THEY RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FACT AND OPINION . Irresistible people handle controversial topics and touchy subjects with grace and poise . They don ’ t shrink from sharing their opinions , but they make it clear that they ’ re opinions , not facts . Whether discussing global warming , politics , vaccine schedules , or GMO foods , irresistible people recognize that many people who are just as intelligent as they are see things differently .
BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER Irresistible people did not have fairy godmothers hovering over their cribs . They ’ ve simply perfected certain appealing qualities and habits that anyone can adopt as their own .
They think about other people more than they think about themselves , and they make other people feel liked , respected , understood , and seen . Just remember : the more you focus on others , the more irresistible you ’ ll be .
Dr . Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the # 1 best-selling book , Emotional Intelligence 2.0 , and the cofounder of TalentSmart , the world ’ s leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training , serving more than 75 percent of Fortune 500 companies . His best-selling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries . Dr . Bradberry has written for , or been covered by , Newsweek , TIME , BusinessWeek , Fortune , Forbes , Fast Company , Inc ., USA Today , The Wall Street Journal , The Washington Post , and The Harvard Business Review .
27