Personal Narrative
and that we had to just leave “ the hard “ and never go back to it .
See , Avery got diagnosed with severe nonverbal autism and , at that time , I felt like our world had ended .
All my hopes and dreams for the future I thought he would have seemed to go gray . I was sitting in the gray and I didn ’ t know who I could reach out to . I needed to vent ; I needed to talk to someone who understood “ our hard ” and “ my gray ”.
Fast forward a few weeks to me sharing Avery ’ s diagnosis online and how we were struggling with sleep , vitamins , and therapy choices . I remember an entire day passed and no one had commented on my post . I shared “ our hard ” and no one cared .
It became clear to me that we were alone in this and everyone else must not be struggling . It had to be something I was doing wrong , then .
I went to my gray place where the tears flowed daily and never stopped . Then a notification popped up on my phone — another mom was reaching out to me . Thank goodness , someone else who understood .
A simple notification turned into a growing friendship . I was thrilled because , to be completely honest , I had no one who could begin to understand what I was feeling or what our struggles were .
Slowly , I started to leave the gray .
Slowly , I decided to share more about autism online .
Slowly , I felt less alone .
Let me tell you , my guard came down completely and I was on cloud nine ; I had gained a friend who knew , who understood , what this life looked like .
See , Avery got diagnosed with severe nonverbal autism and , at that time , I felt like our world had ended .
One morning as I was trying to get my kids ready , I got a message . It was an invitation to a mom ’ s tea .
Ah ! I was so happy , I was being included . Thoughts raced through my head .
“ What should I wear ?” “ I don ’ t drink tea .” “ Do I bring anything ?”
Really , none of my thoughts truly mattered ; the only thing that mattered was that I was included in the mom ’ s group .
I remember it like it was yesterday . I wore my best outfit . I flat-ironed my hair and wore makeup .
I wanted those moms to like me , and I was incredibly nervous because I felt like I was terrible at making friends and I just wanted it all to go perfect .
I was ready to make some mom friends .
I was unaware , as I walked into a beautiful suburban-style home , that my entire world would change , along with my thoughts on getting invited to any function in someone ’ s home .
I remember walking in and saying hello to the seven other moms there . After a quick introduction , I knew I was the new mom . The living room where we all sat was cold . It felt heavy and had this incredible emptiness to it .
My guard instantly went up when books started getting passed out with pads of sticky notes and pens . Before anyone spoke , I knew I needed to leave immediately . Something was not right about this tea I got invited to .
When I tell this story I say it was “ The Dark Tea Party ” that made me find my voice , the one I have now in the autism community .
As I sat frozen with tea in one hand , my mind started to race into panic mode . I had a book on my lap that I couldn ’ t even flip open . I went numb , my eyes glazed over , I felt violently sick .
This wasn ’ t your regular moms ’ get-together , where you share failed baking recipes and family stories . I remember hearing : “ What do you have to lose ?” It