Autism Diagnosis
In the acceptance stage you may be open to meeting people who are going through the same thing . We call it ‘ the tribe .’ If they survived , we can survive too .
Once the acceptance stage starts to kick in , the energy to solve problems arrives . As adults , we feel that our way is the right way . What I have learned is that with autism , nobody is right . Things can go wrong so fast , even when you feel fully prepared . I tell parents to keep their minds open . The way they do something is not always the right way ; their partner might resolve the problem in a different way .
In the acceptance stage you may be open to meeting people who are going through the same thing . We call it “ the tribe .” If they survived , we can survive too . Right ?
Seeing other parents who have gone through the same grief , it ’ s like a sisterhood , a brotherhood … they get it . They validate your emotions . They aren ’ t scared if your child is having a meltdown , instead they offer to help with your other child . Families with older children who are autistic can offer very wise advice .
When you do open up to share your story , you can be vulnerable at a time when you are still trying to heal . Relating to another family and finding that perfect match is not easy . You may feel that you are doing the same things as other families , so why is your child behind on potty training , language skills or motor skills ? I have learned that it is about understanding where my child is with cognitive and neurological development and knowing that each child will move at their own rhythm .
You learn to love the small gifts your child bestows upon you . Little miracles happen in their journey , things you have both worked hard for , which you may otherwise have taken for granted . Things like sitting together as a family at the dinner table without a meltdown .
You start to abandon the pressure you ’ ve been carrying to fix your child and get him better faster . You are making your way out of the fog . Ending up in the mountains wasn ’ t my first challenge in life and it won ’ t be my last . But I can guarantee it will be my hardest .
As a doctor you go through protocols , but there ’ s no way to truly understand what your patient is going through . I have experienced how real mental illness can be , so I know how to talk to my patients . I can relate to their parents and the pain , fear and sadness they feel when their child is not well . And when it comes to helping people with developmental disabilities , well , that ’ s my everyday life .
I can thank my son , who has made me the doctor I am today .
Lorerky Ramirez-Moya , MD is a child psychiatrist practicing in Northern California at
Community Psychiatry . Her job includes medication management for children and adults with developmental disabilities like autism . She is from Costa Rica and is dedicated to advocating for mental health awareness and the developmental disability community .
Allison Hopkins is a freelance writer in Northern California who loves to interview people and tell their stories . Her goal is to use her writing to help others .
Parenting Magazine | Issue 125 | 61