DR Gavin Pattullo fell in love with his future wife Venessa at first sight .

But having been diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukaemia , Venessa , herself a doctor , was facing a distressing death and decided to end her life .

Below , Dr Pattullo , pain specialist and anaesthetist , tells the story of what happened .

back , I should have known something wasn ’ t right when I said goodbye to

Venessa that day .

It was about midday , I was on call and I was called to do an anaesthetic for a caesarean delivery .

I was rushed and admittedly a little bit late leaving home .

“ I ’ m going to work ,” I said as Venessa walked up to me and then gave me a big hug . She had tears welling up in her eyes .

As I drove away from our home , I thought I should send her a text to say , ‘ Love you ’, or something like that . It wasn ’ t like Venessa to tear up over a simple goodbye .

But I got so busy that afternoon , and I never sent the text .

Venessa knew she wouldn ’ t see me again . When I came home later after that day at work , Venessa was lying gracefully on our bed , elegantly dressed and she looked so beautiful .

She just looked like she was asleep . She was at peace with the world .

Venessa had been diagnosed

with acute lymphoblastic leukaemia ( ALL ). By now , there were no

treatment options left , she was suffering and she had decided to take an overdose and end her life .

Venessa couldn ’ t say a word to me about it . Without the legal protections

of a voluntary assisted dying scheme , she knew she could give

nothing away .

I could have been prosecuted for

knowing what was happening and even my medical registration may have been under threat .

I regret not being there with her , to hold her hand , to surround her with

She knew what she was facing , but she had such a strong drive to undergo what was needed to keep her alive .

people who loved her , to say goodbye .

We first met in that classic hospital

cliché , where the patient is your matchmaker .

Dr Venessa Pattullo with her nephew , Xavier .

In this case , our patient had a ruptured appendix . I was giving the anaesthetic , and Venessa was assisting the surgeon .

All I could see of her that night were her eyes between her mask and hat . I remember they were so beautiful , so alluring .

For me , it was really love at first sight .

This was back in 2000 . Four years later , we were getting married . Venessa was diagnosed with ALL only two weeks before our wedding .

We had managed to get her out of the hospital following her induction

treatments only the day before . It was a very happy wedding day and all the more significant because of her diagnosis .

Venessa successfully underwent treatment with intensive chemotherapy , and she went into remission after two or three months . She then had two relapses : one in 2011 and one in 2014 .

Those relapses were treated with bone marrow transplants , which were gruelling and intense . It ’ s four weeks in hospital , everything hurt her and her life hung in the balance .

On the day we needed to leave home for the second transplant , it was Venessa who was first at the front door , bags packed and ready to go . She knew what she was facing , but she had such a strong drive to undergo what was needed to keep her alive .

By 2016 , Venessa began showing signs of graft versus host disease , which had begun attacking her lungs . She had bronchiolitis obliterans , and although she got onto it pretty quickly , once it ’ s underway , it ’ s hard to bring it back under control .

Fortunately , being a doctor ( she was a liver specialist ), Venessa knew what to look out for with all these things . She was meticulous about her medications , all possible interactions , blood tests and all her follow-ups .

Maybe it ’ s harder for a doctor , knowing the way you are going to die if you just let nature take its course .

With bronchiolitis obliterans , the lungs are already damaged . They become like concrete , and it ’ s just a slow decline . Oxygen levels start falling , you get more and more lethargic and , for Venessa , there was no option other than a lung transplant .

She was willing to have one even though a lung transplant would have been a horrendous thing to undergo . I don ’ t think I could have gone through some of the treatments Venessa endured .

Unfortunately , she got knocked back for a lung transplant , and that really was the last hope .

This was about three or four months before Venessa ended her life , and that was when I think she started to explore other options .

Breathing was getting harder , she was lethargic , losing weight — down

to only 43kg .

At rest , Venessa was okay , but