Arts, Crafts, Music, & Events of Breckinridge County Issue 12, May 2016 | Page 43

something. So that's what I did. I applied a generous portion of the
odoriferous salve, thought about sticking a band aid over it to sorta hold it in
but thinking too much hair to pull, I'd have to shave the area first, like in
prepping for surgery...nope, not that committed. Plugged in the middle with
a dose of Vick's, I put on my tool-belt and went to work.
I suppose it was around an hour into the project, while I was making an
oak door for the boat shed, that a simple law of physics where principles of
hydraulics, thermo-dynamics and functions of physio-chemical properties
came together. It was only natural that it should happen. All the elements
had combined and the result was nothing more than the obedience to those
natural laws. Those laws state that when an application of Vick's Vapo Rub
(a petroleum jelly-based product) is administered at room temperature to a
skin surface at 98.6 degrees, it remains for the most part, viscous and
relatively stable. But the same law states, and it was effectively
demonstrated to me, by me, that the same application of Vick's Vapo Rub,
the petroleum jelly-base product, when covered with a three-inch wide, 1/4"
thick leather tool belt and 4-inch brass buckle, and subjected to a rise in
body temperature caused by repeated bending at the waist, stooping and
strenuous physical activity...under these conditions...that said substance is
more apt to become a liquid than to remain a jelly...and that said liquid will
be further obedient to the force of gravity and travel from its previous
specific position of rest, under the belt, to more general locations, under the
belt..."south" so to speak, to be no more specific.
What had been a gradual discomfort had escalated suddenly to
motivation to drop the tool-belt and run for the shower for relief. Hot water
and soap degreased the areas of particular concern. As I towelled off I
made a determination to bring this episode to an end. I WAS GOING IN
AFTER HIM! I had to do it alone. I was going to do the necessary
operation to remove this gnawing tick from my navel and so I did just what
you would have done. I went and fetched the following: