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THE TEXAN & THE AUSSIE
A
Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and
gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We
have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The
Texan immediately says, “ We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”.
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos
hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those”?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas”?
SLOW DOWN
A
farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built
up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were
being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff ’s office
and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing
all of my chickens.”
“What do you want me to do?” asked the sheriff.
“I don’t care, just do something about those drivers!”
So, the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said:
SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.
Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, “You’ve got to do something about
these drivers. The ‘school crossing’ sign seems to make them go faster.”
So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.
And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called everyday for
three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, “Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for
me to put up my own sign?”
The sheriff told him, “Sure thing, put up your own sign.” He was going to let the farmer
do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more
calls from the farmer.
Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call him. “How’s the
problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?”
“Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I’ve got to go. I’m very
busy.” And he hung up the phone.
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The sheriff thought to himself, “I’d better go to that farmer’s house and look at that sign...
There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers.”
So the sheriff drove out to the farmer’s house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole
sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters were the words:
SLOW: NUDIST COLONY.
ANY ACCIDENTS?
A
farmer was interviewing a young man for the job of assistant farmhand.`You’ll
need to be fit,’ said the farmer. `Have you ever had any illnesses? Any accidents?’
‘No, sir,’ replied the young man proudly. `But you’re on crutches. You must have had an
accident!’ said the farmer.
`Oh, the crutches!’ said the young man. `A bull tossed me last week. But that wasn’t an
accident! He did it on purpose!’
Source: jokes.skem9.co.uk/cat/Farmer-jokes/2
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ROC # 299215
August 2016
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